Rain go away
by angelhamby931
Summary: Hurt, used, left behind and most of all broken, Butters erased Eric Cartman from his mind when Eric finds out he does the same , but will the two lovers come back and remember? can they start over Eric X Butters , Kyle x Stan Mostly Buttman
1. Ch 1 Heavy Rain

It's raining, it hardly ever rains in south park yet lately it feels like the weather hasn't been on the good side, rain drops hit against the glass window a pair of deep fire eyes looked out into the wet street's lost in his own thoughts, after what seemed like Forever he finally spoke up.

"I just don't get it" Eric T Cartman spoke exasperatedly "that fag, looked at me as if… he didn't even fucking know me!" He spoke; His voice was laced in heartache. "I know we didn't end on good terms but I didn't think it was THAT bad" Eric admitted angrily

On the other hand Kenny was sitting on his old stained bed, with his hoodie pulled up covering his face but still looking a bit awkward about the whole situation. Eric had gone over to Kenny's trailer to talk the whole ordeal with Butters. He was being Quiet… which is rare for Kenny. Normally he'd be telling Eric to not give up, or fuck someone else – or regurgitate some bullshit about doing what's best for Butters. But this time, he was silent looking out at the rain trying to avoid eye contact … like he knew something.

Finally, the other sighed "maybe you should just… forget about it. Move on" the dirty Blond suggested

"No, I just fucking can't forget about it" Eric snapped quickly "He's been my best friend since like…kindergarten ten whole years, four years of which we were in a relationship. I don't want to spend our final year of high school not speaking. We've been through too much together "Eric words trailed off

His mind immediately traced back to seeing Butters Earlier that Day ….

Flashback

Butters was working at the small comic book store downtown part-time, while also taking a few shifts at the local KFC. He really loved the job and Eric had gone down there to try and make amends. It had been about two weeks since they'd broke things off. While things had gotten bad for the both of them, Eric hadn't really seen it coming… but after having lost Butters, he realized how much he missed him, even if he was annoying to have around he needed him as much as butters needed him. So he went down to the small building with a big sign reading in big bold letters 'Super Comic Books' the sign was old Eric took note of widows which were clean and clear he step forward, a small blue ribbon wrapped gift held in one hand behind his back, a small gift for the small blond.

He pushed open the glass door and made his way to the front counter where he found Butters reading a hello kitty book smiling to himself as he flipped the pages, But when Eric walked up to the counter-trying his best to smile at Butters, (Eric begin nice was never his thing when it came to others but if it involved butters then he had no choice) his friend looked at him Blankly; it wasn't a rude or cold one… but just a 'look' " um hi can I help ya sir" Butters asked, like he'd never seen him before. "Um…" Eric Began, as he looked at Butters more closely. He wasn't mistaken; this WAS Butters Leopold scotch. But why was his best friend looking at him like he'd never seen before in his life?

Eric must have been staring because Butters had a worried look on his face "um a-are you looking for something that I can help with?" his voice is soft and kind, Eric took note of how Butters wasn't scared of him, Eric doesn't get a chance to answer when the door opens and a tall dark figure enters the store , Butters looks at the mysterious teen as he approaches him, Butters let a smile cross his face as he greets the teen as if he's known him for a long time as if they there close " heya Bradley!" Butters lends over the counter smiling brightly at the curly haired boy dark shaded blond noun as Bradley "hey Butters" he spoke in a smooth voice as lead in close whispering something that Eric could not hear, but his baby blue eyes glanced back at Eric "um let me kn-know if you need anything" he said, addressing Eric like he was just a customer: just a customer?

Eric just stood there for another second , he wanted to yell at Butters or at least get some answers, but no he just stood there-watching Bradley and Butters talking rather closely , like they were… close with one other. Butters had already moved on? And why the fuck was he pretending not to know who Eric was? Eric asked himself this as he clutched the blue wrapped gift he had gotten for Butters, Eric shoved it into his red hoodie pocket and walked out of the store into the now pouring rain, not evening looking back.

Flashback Ends

"The way he looked at me, you should have seen it…that fucking fag" Eric spoke more to himself then Kenny, he then looked at the other who seemed to be avoiding his cold gaze, Eric finally put his foot down and stood from where he sat and grabbed his red leather man jacket and began to slid it on "I've got to go to his house… I've gotta to talk to him, just get some fucking answers" the tall football player spoke decisively.

But Kenny stood "Cartman, you can't!" he yelled more loudly then he meat too. The dark haired brunette looked at the other questiongly which turned into a ice cold glare then he growled "Kenny, if you know something then now is the fucking time to speak up!" he ordered the dirty blond who didn't seem at all scared just let out a long sigh, he watched as Kenny reached into his worn out jeans pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to Eric.

Eric took it, and it looked it over. It looked to be like a small telegram- bold letters in color, and it had a stamp at the bottom, which had the symbol of a lion in ruby red wax

It simply started:

**Dear Kenny Mccormick**

**Butters L. Scotch has deleted all Memories/Relationship of Eric T. Cartman, we must ask of you to never bring up anything of their past **

**Thank you**

Eric read it over and over nearly six times, his face turning red out of anger while almost ripping the paper " Is this some of Joke! This isn't even fucking possible! And why would Butters of all people; erase me!"

"Look man whatever happened between you two …is gone" Kenny spoke reluctantly, he took his seat back on the long stained bed "and I don't know, Cartman. It's just some 'place' that…takes away things you remember" the other admitted sadly; not really giving the best description of the unknown Company" but Butters had his reasons. He was really broken when you guys called it off… things gotten worse and maybe he just gave up…"

Eric wanted to keep arguing but he knew it would do no good plus it was better for his nerves. Then the thought hit him "Kenny, who ELSE got these?" He ordered, at first Kenny remains silent but finally speaks up.

"Everyone" He mumbled. "Everyone who was friends with you both- and knew about you were dating him" Kenny admitted

Tossing the telegram aside, Eric stormed out of Kenny's room without another word and left the broken down trailer. He emerged into the cold, wet night and got into his red old pickup truck- driving home in absolute silence. He just couldn't believe it. His BEST friend… had erased him. They'd been dating for four years, and THIS was how Butters wanted to end it- by erasing Eric completely from his memory? He didn't even know things had gotten that bad ….

Pulling into his driveway, Eric didn't get out he just sat there with his head placed on the wheel he finally broke down and started crying; resting his forearms on his steering wheel.

Eric was the smartest teen- or at least he told himself so… so in his mind it was like a game of chess, Just him and Butters, Just two friends playing for the win; and as much as Eric hated to say it but Butters was winning.

If THIS was the game that Butters wanted to play…. Then Eric would play it. He would find this Company-and he would just erase Butters from HIS Memory.

At Least then he wouldn't be plagued by the hollowing heartache he was feeling now and with the headache he would feel in the morning. Butters hated him enough to wipe him out of his memory. His Best Friend: his recent ex-boyfriend had erased him… and he didn't know why.

He'd never felt more alone, and resentful; it was true Eric wasn't always nice to him but Years of friendship, Adventures and memories just down the drain…gone… all gone…

3 hours later

"Mam? You have a Mr. Cartman here. He's the one who's been; er… calling constantly he has a colorful language." The receptionist Interrupted as he cracked opens the door to the doctor's office.

The young woman nodded, "Ah yes. Send him in" she said, Motioning to him with her hand

Backing out, the young man was soon replaced by Eric. He walked in, looking rather tired and exhausted mixed with anger, but also had air of determination around him "Eric isn't it? It's nice to meet face to face. Please sit" She spoke, giving him a smile.

Sitting in the chair on the other side of the doctor's desk-Eric simply tossed the telegram he'd taken from Kenny onto the wooden desk.

"I want to do it" Eric simply spoke, not making any eye contact

Quirking a brow, the young woman with long dark chocolate hair reached over and picked up their telegram. Reading it over, she nodded "Ah yes… Butters L. Scotch" She mumbled. Looking to Eric, she sighed "You were not supposed to see this. I'm terribly sorry and I do apologize." The woman admitted.

A slam of his first grabs her attention "I want to DO it" Eric repeated in much darker tone. "Butters erased me for a reason, and if I can't fucking know WHY…..then I want to forget him"

The doctor furrowed her brow, setting the telegram down "our flies are confidential Mr. Cartman … so we can't show you any statements or consultations records" She Paused, looking back up toward Eric " Suffice it to say, Mr. Scotch was… not happy, and he wanted to move on. We provide that possibility" She went on "Given the circumstances of this particular situation… I would be willing to perform the procedure on you. If you're sure, that is" she spoke.

Eric Paused-did he really want to forget Butters? His sweet smile, Butters was the only one Eric had ever loved, but really, what did that matter? Butters didn't remember him- and he had decided to erase Eric FIRST.

"Yes" Eric answered finally, his voice clearly broken by the fact he had to do it. What was the point of remembering someone who didn't remember you? "But, uh… is this… safe?" the longed haired boy asked tentatively. "Like I won't have fucking brain damage,I won't forget my friends or anything like that will I?"He asked

The doctor smiled "Well, technically speaking, the operation is brain damage, but it's on a par with ….a night of heavy drinking" She described with a casual shrug." Nothing you'll miss." She explained. "The memories that will be erased will relate to Mr. Butters only. We have the best and most efficient technology at our fingertips here, Mr. Cartman. There's a reason we've started in South Park- since technically, this procedure isn't widely accepted. Many consider it controversial. BUT our results have been excellent so far."

Eric nodded slowly

"So… what do I need do?" He asked

The doctor stood, handing Eric a small Pamphlet. "We need to do some analysis and tests on you the day prior- do a base reading. You'll want to empty home…er, empty your life, of Mr. Butters. Gather up anything and everything in your home that might remind you of him…..books, movies, games, pictures." She listed. "Bring everything here. When we do your analysis, we will gauge and map your mind based on the internal response to seeing the items you've brought. We'll dispose of these 'mementos' when we're done here, that way you won't be confused by thief unexplainable presence in your home" she said

Eric nodded.

He still couldn't believe his relationship with Butters had been reduced to this.

A few hours later

Lying down on the rather soft bed, Eric shifted awkwardly

He couldn't believe he was doing this.

He had gathered up everything in his room that might remind him of little Butters: Pictures, toys, books, cards, movies and the heart locket he was given too. The teen had brought everything in a black trash bag to the Office downtown, and handed it over. Eric now found himself in a white room that looked kind of 'hospital-like'; white sheets and a single comfortable bed. There were strange machines around him, but they looked harmless enough.

A guy slightly older than Eric sat beside him in front of narrow, portable computer- he was hooking Eric up to the system; placing small discs and wires around his forehead and some on his arms to monitor his physical response.

"This… isn't fucking dangerous right?" Eric asked again, narrowing his eyes.

The other guy smiled "No man, its cool. I've done this about a million times…Everyone turns out fine" He nodded. "Doctor Alice will be in soon. She oversees everything" He reassured him. Pausing, he smiled again "I'm Danny "but then another thought occurred to him and he chuckled "not that you'll remember"

"Yeah... Whatever" Eric mumbled with an annoyed sigh. Why did this guy insist on making lame jokes about this? The doctor had told him that along with the memories they erased involving Butters. They would also erase any memory of the company involvement- obviously, since this event in itself could be linked to Butters, and the source of Eric's initial pain.

But the arrival of Dr. Alice distracted Eric's nerves as she came in.

"Ah, good…. You're on your way, how are you Mr. Eric?" She smiled. "Good. We'll get started shortly. The results from your initial physical reading all look good. We've done a map of your internal memory by gauging your reaction to seeing each item you brought in. It'll be a simple measure of going through each of these mapped memories, and removing them" She nodded.

Eric tried to calm the nerves raging inside him. His dark chocolate eyes looked over to see Dr. Alice approaching him with a needle.

Well, he couldn't turn back now… this was happening…

Everything he knew about Butters Scotch would be all gone.

Eric cursed as he felt the needle briefly pierce of his skin, before it was removed. "This is just an anesthetic, you'll be asleep for whole process" The doctor explained. "When the procedure is over, you'll be taken back home and wake up in bed"

Eric wanted to talk back but didn't say anything-he just let out a few deep breaths.

His eyes began to get heavy, his vision blurry.

"Is the map up?" Dr. Alice asked- Obviously talking to Danny.

The other nodded, "yup, everything's normal. As soon as he conks out we'll be good to go"

But Eric's eyes were already drooping wearily. He was feeling so sleeply; like a heavy warmth was slowly flooding over his tall strong body, his body starting to turn num starting from his legs- up to his stomach , across his chest – and finally to his head. A fuzzy darkness began to waft through his mind, and before he knew it- Everything went dark

And the procedure began…


	2. Ch 2 good bye old friend

When Eric opened his eyes – he was shocked to see that he was standing in Dr. Alice's office. Huh. That was weird… he thought he was still lying on that table in that weird room. Taking a few steps forward, his eyes focused on Dr. Alice as he sat at her desk.

"Eric isn't it? It's nice to meet face to face. Please, sit." she said, giving him a smile.

Sitting in the chair on the other side of the doctor's desk-Eric simply tossed the telegram he'd taken from Kenny onto the wooden desk.

"I want to do it" Eric simply spoke, not making any eye contact

Eric watched closely. "Oh… it's… started." He mumbled bemusedly to himself. "It's fucking weird I'm in my own mind fucking sweet." He smirked.

Quirking a brow, the young woman with long dark chocolate hair reached over and picked up their telegram. Reading it over, she nodded "Ah yes… Butters L. Scotch" She mumbled. Looking to Eric, she sighed "You were not supposed to see this. I'm terribly sorry and I do apologize." The woman admitted.

Eric took this moment to examine himself. Damn. He was rather good looking, if he did say so himself; Kyle had always said he was a fat ass. But now, Eric could see why others might have thought he was a perfect match, for Butters who was skinny and small framed.

The doctor furrowed her brow, setting the telegram down "our flies are confidential Mr. Cartman … so we can't show you any statements or consultations records" She Paused, looking back up toward Eric " Suffice it to say, Mr. Scotch was… not happy, and he wanted to move on. We provide that possibility" She went on "Given the circumstances of this particular situation… I would be willing to perform the procedure on you. If you're sure, that is" she spoke.

The chocolate haired boy lowered his eyes. He was actually doing this… it was happening now, and he was going to have to watch; to take part in each of these memories.

Soon the room was overtaken in darkness, and Eric felt himself falling – it was an unsettling feeling, and one that actually cause a bit of panic to rise in him.

But he was snapped out of those thoughts as he suddenly hit the ground; wincing, even though he didn't really feel any pain. "God dammit," He mumbled to himself, standing and looking around...

He was in… the Comic Store?

Curiously, Eric walked around the oddly colored shelves of Comic's… before he spotted himself at the Comic book front desk.

There was Butters.

Eric knew he was in the memory that happened earlier that day; when he'd gone to the Comic Book Store to give Butters his gift, but the blond pretended like he didn't know who he was. Well, not 'pretended'…as it turned out he didn't, in fact, know who Eric was…

That scene, too, however quickly faded into darkness. Eric Blinked a few times- and when he opened his eyes, he was in his bedroom, sitting on the corner of his bed …..

Butters was there, rummaging through Eric's things- and pulling out items that belonged to him; shirts he'd left at Eric's, a few video games, a CD or two … the small Melvin blond was shoving all his personal items into his knapsack.

"This was the last time I saw you …" Eric whispered quietly in awe to himself as he watched Butters rummage through his room.

He remembered this particular memory very well. It was most recent one he had of their relationship… Eric figured the procedure must have been going from latest, to earliest; going backward in it's of erasing butters from his memory.

"I am done! I don't –I don't want you to come anywhere NEAR me Eric! "Butters spoke angrily mixed with heartache, though his beautiful baby blue eyes where brimming with tears, he sniffed as he finished gathering his things "I-I can't take this anymore, I j-just can't! I can't live this way!" he stammered

Eric shrugged coldly as he sat on the edge of the bed "fine." He answered simply; his voice uncaring removed and bitter. "You won't last one fucking day without me" The chestnut haired boy sneered at the blond

Begin in that memory again … reliving and watching it, Eric felt his heart lurch. Why had he been such an asshole? Why couldn't he see how much he was hurting Butters? The blond looked to him, doing his best to stay angry-but Eric could see how destroyed Butters actually was; his pain showing through as his lower lip trembled. God. Why hadn't he NOTICED that before? Things were always easier to pick up the second time around.

Lifting his eyes again, he watched Butters storm of his room-the door slamming behind him.

Conscious enough in these repeating memories, Eric stood- and tried to follow him. But the door was locked; it wouldn't open, no matter how hard he pulled.

And why wouldn't it open?

Because when that event had happened, Eric hadn't followed; he remembered staying in his room and just did nothing- stewing over how happy he was that Butters was gone. But now… Eric just felt remorse. How could he have been so stupid?

Ramming his shoulder against the door, Eric tried in vain to break it down. The room was getting darker and darker as he tried. Finally, the door busted open, and Eric stumbled through. Unfortunately, he didn't end up in his hallway….but he ended up right back in his bedroom.

Looking around in confusion, Eric cursed "fuck!" He yelled, looking around him. He couldn't go any further than his room… because he hadn't left. His memory wouldn't let him. He couldn't 'extend' a memory.

Closing his eyes, Eric felt that 'falling' feeling overtake him again-lapsed in darkness and dizziness as that memory was wiped from his mind …

Opening his eyes and blinking again-Eric found he was now in Raisins ….with butters

"Butters…" he mumbled to himself

He knew the blond wouldn't respond to him. But it was heart wrenching to Eric that he had to're-live' these memoires through his eyes; so Butters was looking at HIM painfully. But now he was aware of it

"Aw hamburgers this isn't working-working …Eric… h-how can you expect me to … just ...forget what happen!" He Pleaded "I-I don't know what else I can do… tell me Eric Is it M-me?" He asked

Eric finally sighed and growled and responding dully. "Fine! It IS fucking you, Fag. I can't fucking take care of you anymore! You're such a baby! It's a twenty-four hour job... I swear to god… You're always hurting yourself, or bumping into things. I have to get you to eat, sleep and just be fucking claim! everyday things! …. I mean for fuck sakes!" He let out a low sigh while rolling his eyes.

Eric just stood there on the sidelines looking at the painful site "I take that back…" Eric Immediately said, shaking his head and looking to Butters sadly. "I… It wasn't a big deal. We could have fixed it" He said strongly

But the memory of Butters clearly didn't hear.

"Then-then maybe we should just break up, I-I don't want be a burden to you anymore, y-you don't even care about me "Butters looked away feeling his heart break " I-I don't need you, I'm sure there's someone else who-who Will at least love me!"  
>Eric let out a cold bitter laugh "no one even likes you! You would be nothing without me, and all the effort I put into this doomed relationship" he said "so if you wanna break up? Then fucking leave"<p>

Eric buried his face into his hands. Fuck! Why had he been such a dick? Butters didn't do anything …. Why was he trying to pretend like this didn't hurt?

The next thing he knew, he was flopping back down on Butters Bed

It was late, and he'd just managed to climb up and stumble through the window. He took a few deep breaths as the small blond was in his shorts and blue tank top that he always wore to bed he held worry in his blue eyes but at the same time looked at him staring at him blankly. Knowing well he would get grounded if his parents ever found out …

"It's 3am" The blond muttered unhappily.

Eric sighed "I kinnda… sorta ... Broke …Clyde JR." He mumbled, referring to the dark chocolate fur stuffed bear Butters had gotten him in elementary school. He wasn't a big fan of the fur ball at first, But being with Butters had Converted him to at least try. Naturally, it was a great gift that he named after his Favorite toy he had lost so many years ago and Butters thought it was time for Eric to have something that reminded him of his old child hood toy "Annnd dented my … car..."

Eric sighed as he watched the scene between him and butters before his eyes.

"J-jeez Eric, Drunk driving!" Butters had the look of fear as he glared at Eric "yo-you could have hurt yourself or even hurt someone! H-how can you be so um reckless?"

The tall dark teen closed his eyes irritably "I was a little tipsy" he said, separating his words sharply before he stretched "Don't call me reckless, asshole!"

"W-well you are! I m-mean you-you could have killed someone!" Butters stammered, both upset and concerned for his boyfriend at the same time, who seemed to be lashing out more and more.

Eric growled before he rubbed his eyes "well I didn't kill any fucking body! It's just a fucking dent… Dumbass" He sighed; not in the mood for begin lectured, considering how drunk he was "you're a pussy sometimes" He mumbled wearily.

"Your one to talk … "He covered his mouth with both hands, knowing what he said would be a death wish

Eric glared at him clearly in a drunk rage "what you say!?" He yelled almost loud enough to wake the house hold of butters family , butters waiting for the yelling to continue but it didn't come and when he looked at him, Eric was glaring at him " face it , Butters…" he began, turning onto his stomach to look over at the blond who still sat at his desk. " your just a pussy because I was out LATE… without you … " he pointed out with a smug smirk " and in your dumbass brain, I bet your wondering : did he fuck someone tonight?" he let out a bitter chuckle

It was a low bow. Eric knew every trick in the book to hurt Butters after years of being together-and looking back on it now, it almost made Eric sick. The blond's eyes were already breaking in tears, but at the time, Eric didn't remember noticing.

"Ge-get out" Butters sluttered weakly, this was the first time he asked Eric to leave

Eric rolled his eyes and stumbled out of the bed, back over toward the door. Although he'd come in through the window (as always), He was going through the front door. Why did he care if Butters got in trouble? He was drunk and leaving, so if anyone was going to get yelled at or grounded –It would always be Butters for having late night visitors.

But even as he left the house, he didn't remember hearing anyone get up. Butters parents were probably conked out for the night. Slamming the front door behind him, Eric smirked to himself as he finally could hear the sounds of yelling but he was too drunk to even save butters, the cold night air struck Eric in the face...

As soon as he'd left Butters front door, Eric found he'd moved again... The cold night air was replaced by a warmer sensation … his room

He was in his own bed room; lying in bed, with the lovely blond beside him… he was looking at him with begging eyes, he was unusually still. Eric's eyes shifted around the dark room.

"…E-Eric? Why don't you want me…tell me" butters asked in a soft tone, his voiced laced in embarrassment"oh jeez, it-it's me? Am I not sexy anymore... am-am I really that bad?" he asked

Eric Sighed frustratingly "for fuck sakes, No butters. I just don't fucking Feel like it" he said; his deep voice stern as it echoed through the darkness.

"B-but I … I don't understand! Y-you don't even look at me-me, you don't seem to lo-love me or anything! You act like you don't wanna be touch at all by me! …this never happened before?" He mumbles painfully, feeling ashamed of his body.

But once again, Eric just grown "god, you're a freak. Just drop it "he spat quietly.

Those words seemed to fly and stabbed Eric in the chest. Closing his eyes, he turned over from his previous position of lying on his back, Ignoring the upset blond boy beside him- and faced him. His Dark eyes Ran over the memory of Butters as he lay beside him. He was looking Right at him- his eyes brimming with hurt tears.

He hated begin called a Freak. And Eric knew that

"Butters… I'm so fucking sorry…" Eric whispered, reaching out and touching Butters cheek. But as he was about to do that, suddenly, the blond boy shimmered and vanished from sight.

Now lying alone in his dark room, in his bed alone, Eric closed his own eyes to stop himself from crying. This was Horrible. He didn't WANT to relive all these memories with Butters… things had gotten so bad. He'd acted like such an asshole... more than usual … and all because he was scared of how much he loved butters, so Eric's only answer had been to push the blond away.

Of course it didn't help that Butters had erased HIM first. If there was one thing Eric was truly good at, It was holding a grudge- and finding out that his blond ex-lover had erased him and that pissed him off to the deep end.

But still … he couldn't help but wonder if Butters had gone through the same thing HE was going through right now; watching unable to do nothing and reliving these memories as they were deleted one-by one

He wondered if Butters regretted the decision... Like he was…

Letting out a sigh, Eric opened his eyes- already extremely sick and annoyed of watching himself behave like a jackass.

He was walking down the street now- his hands stuffed into his jeans pockets. He knew that had been the first sign for Butters, since Eric always held the little blond's hand. Even in the last years of their time at elementary school… he remembered he started holding Butters hand because it made him feel brave and not as shy.

"Hey Eric wanna come over?" Butters asked, with a bright smile

He'd been growing more and more distant…. And it was obvious that the blond could tell. Eric just shrugged "Nah! I promised the guys I hang out with them" He answered, still not looking at Butters "and some cute blonde girl asked me to hang out with her"

It was a hurtful, blunt excuse and they both knew it.

"Hurry up and erase this" Eric spat out loudly – like he was trying to talk to Danny and Dr. Alice, who were working their way though these memories.

He didn't get any response... Obviously they couldn't hear him.

Butters drew his eyes away from him "o-oh that's fine" He answered sadly as they continued to walk.

That was a lie everything was not fine " I'm erasing you, and I'm happy …" Eric Blurted out to Butters as he continued to walk " by morning you'll be gone" He continued unhappily suddenly feeling angry; knowing this was all Butters fault.

Of course it was Butters fault! He'd erased him first!

Growling in frustration as he looked at the small blond walking solemnly beside him- Eric felt that familiar darkness looming up and around them, this memory is dying …

A flash suddenly struck right in front of Eric's eyes and he jolted back from the initial shock of it. Blinking rapidly, the football player found he was in their high school: He was standing near his locker With butters while the blond got some books and gave Eric a loving smile.

"Hi boys!" It was Red, smiling mostly at Eric

Eric smirked toward the girl "Sup Red"

"Um Hi" Butters muttered shyly yet unhappily, his mood shifting with the sudden arrival of the red haired girl.

Red looked back at Eric with a Bashful smile "so um A-are you ready for class?" she asked him.

"Yeah" The tall teen nodded with smile, shutting his locker, he adjusted his book bag over his shoulder "Um, I'll see you later Eric…" Butters mumbled, but the other said nothing back, Nudging Red eagerly as they headed off down the hall.

He winced. What the fuck?! No Goodbye? No kiss? No hug? No Nothing!? Why had he become so carless? Why didn't he take two seconds to say goodbye to his boyfriend? He knew god damn well Butters didn't like Red hanging out with them. It wasn't because Red was a bad girl, but the fear of that she would STEAL Eric away from him. Unfortunately, as thief relationship began to strain, Eric HAD done the worse thing he could do … spending his time with other girls to spite the blond.

As they moved further down the hall together, Eric looked back to see butters standing there alone: his large eyes were vulnerable as he watched him walk away with Red. Frowning, Eric shifted his eyes, and for the first time, Noticed that none of the students had faces.

"The…fucking hell?" He muttered to himself and himself alone.

He remembered getting sick of it. Protecting Butters was a full time job. He hadn't realized it before, but now that everything had unraveled, Eric for the first time in his life felt guilty... and actually missed protecting Butters. They were barely apart during the time of their relationship: It was hard (and rare) to see one without the other.

Looking around, Eric found he was in another memory he was back in his house.

"I remember this, too…" Eric mumbled to himself. It might seem like an arbitrary, 'obvious' statement-but Eric was reliving these memories, and he really DID remember all these moments. What the hell was he thinking; why in god's name did he think it was a good idea to erase him?! It was one of the last, semi-happy times he and Butters had in their long recent history, before things fell apart.

The house had a faded ruby color to it; no lights were on, and the only source was the glow from the television, and the dull, rainy Saturday that desperation in his voice.

The blond looked away from the screen into Eric's eyes "Eric-Eric what are you talking about?" The blond answered.

Eric was a bit surprised that his 'memory' responded to him.

Then again. The thought occurred to him that he WAS in his head… so, shouldn't he be able to control things? This particular memory involved Him and Butters simply sitting on the couch together wrap in warm blankets and cuddling while they watched movies.

But he knew that THIS particular exchange wasn't real- this was all in his imagination… he was just imaging that butters could consciously hear him, so he could vent his frustration.

"T-They're erasing you. I'm erasing you… I mean well fuck, you erased me!" Eric explained quickly, knowing it wouldn't be too long before this memory faded away along with the others.

Butters at first looked confused he for but some odd reason believe Eric "W-well how are you gonna changed that? How-how it this even possible!" he exclaimed scared "wait, if this is your head, the-en I'm not even real… "The blond looked down as he faced the sad truth.

The blond trembled and started to balm himself "D-did we really end that bad? Please tell me Eric" he looked at Eric softly.

Oddly enough, Eric smiled-holding Butters closer to him " you maybe a annoying and a fag " he spoke in low tone, his eyes running over butters features, my god how he missed that " but that's what I love about you"

Leaning in, cupping butters cheek Eric kissed his soft lips- closing his eyes as he felt that familiar, surrounding darkness creeping heavily; fuck… he didn't want to lose ALL his memories … not like this… not like this

Eric winced as the cut about his eyebrow stung; Butters smiling continued to dab alcohol on the wound as he cleaned it.

"Um Eric T-Thanks for s-standing up for me..." He spoke softly; that warm smile still remain on his lips

The Tall dark chestnut colored haired sighed "yeah whatever…" He responded, though his voice wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the situation. This was just another –in a long list- of times that he'd had to defend Butters. "What was it THIS time?" He asked with a weary sigh.

While he never really 'lost' fights, that didn't mean Eric's body didn't undergo a great deal of strain and injury. His opponent's often good hits along the way.

"Well I um… "Butters sighed, continuing to tend to his wounds. "He-He wanted my money, But …But I said I didn't have-have any… and then he pinned me against...The lockers, so I tried to find it in m-my pockets, but I didn't have any-any AND I t-told him that… I told him I had nothing an-and he almost broke my nose"  
>Eric face palmed as he sighed "Not again, Butters when are you going to grow some balls! " He growled. "You're too old for this shit, I can't always be there!"<p>

The blond looked down feeling useless and bit his lower lip.

Eric looked back up to Butters apologetically, but his memory was over-and the darkness was looming in once more….

He held Cylde's bloodstained jacket in his clenched fist as he stood over him. "Listen you black asshole... If you EVER touch him again…I'll kill your stupid blond bimbo girlfriend!" He threatened

"F-Fuck you, fatass" Clyde groaned; his head already dizzy from fighting.

Sneering at him, Eric dropped Clyde and let him fall back to the ground. The Jock had gotten the worst of the fight, but Eric still secured a cut about his eyebrow. He ignored the stinging pain that was pulsing around the wound. He pushed past the small gathering of students who'd stopped to watch the fight take place outside the school. Eric focused his eyes on Butters, who pushed through the crowed and ran up to him"Eric-Eric! Are you-you alright!?"

Draping his arm around Butters shoulder, Eric led them both away and started to walk down the street.

"I don't know how many fights I got in." Eric Mumbled aloud to himself as they walked- but the memory of Butters beside him said nothing; He couldn't hear him. "I always thought they were BECAUSE of you... But... They were FOR you." He said to himself. Turning, Eric looked down at the blond cowering beside them as they walked. "I did it for you" He whispered.

When Eric Opened his eyes, people surrounded him; they were laughing, drinking and socializing in the familiar, HUGE living room of Stan's home.

This time, he wasn't interacting with the memory... but he was an outside observer. He immediately saw himself – standing against the wall and leaning in rather closely to a very drunk girl that went to their school. They both looked a little tipsy, and Eric knew himself well enough to know his 'moves'. He looked like he was outwardly hitting on the drunken girl.

Eric would kick his own ass if he would, wincing at his own bravado for flirting with someone else while he had a boyfriend- his eyes immediately sought out Butters. He was standing off to the other side; he was in a group with Kyle, Stan and Kenny- who were talking and obviously a little sauced themselves. But Butters wasn't Engaged with them... He was too busy staring across the room at Eric, with a heartbroken, worried gaze.

"Stop fucking watching me." Eric muttered to his memory; as if telling this 'replay' of Butters to look away would do ANY good now.

He really hated this. He HATED watching that HE was the downfall of their relationship. While he was mad initially that Butters has eased him…

Eric had to admit, the blond had a good reason, a very good reason. These past few memories were torture. How could he have been so cold, such an asshole, a cheater and flirting with other women right in front of him and the worst part is he had flaunted the fact he was distancing himself from butters.

The whole room flickered, and soon, It was completely empty... except for the small butters, who was still standing in the same spot, looking across the room, And Eric and the unknown girl were still visible-on the other side.

"Erase ALL of it." Eric snapped toward the ceiling, still trying to get the doctor and Danny to hear him, while they worked on deleting his memories.

Soon, the room flickered oddly again- and Eric finally was left all alone, as the darkness enveloped him once more…

With another flicker of light, Eric found himself standing in front of Butters blue bathroom door.

"Come on Butters, come out… just open the door for fuck sakes" He begged sadly, knocking a few times as he let out a heavy sign " look babe, It happens to everyone, Hell I don't even remember my own MOTHER'S half the time"

He heard a sniffing and a strained sob from behind the bathroom door "th-that's not the point E-Eric! I never forget your birthday!" He whimpered.

"I know I screwed up bad" Eric answered, resting his head against the door. "There's … no excuse" He reassured him, though deep down, Eric knew why he'd forgotten. He'd been hanging out with Kenny and the others. Eric had spent the night at his own house, and got an early morning call from Kenny- who was annoying him to no end with constant request to hang out.

So, he finally gave in and gone over, and completely push the thought of Butters Birthday to the back of his mind.

" Butters, please come out" He coaxed " I got you a chocolate cake… with vanilla ice cream" Eric said, using one of his tricks hoping he might bride the blonds forgiveness. When he was met with more silence, Eric finally sighed annoyed "well… I'll be downstairs when you're ready" He said, trailing his eyes over the door once more before he headed downstairs.

"I'm such a fucking jack ass…" Eric Muttered to himself as he followed the path of the memory, and continued downstairs. "Fucking Asshole, fucking Asshole" He repeated

There was another flicker of light and an odd shift in the room… almost like a record skipping. It was trippy, and kind of frightening, But Eric Knew it had something to do with this whole procedure.

Suddenly, Butters was coming down the stairs eyes red from tears and Eric stood up from the couch.

"I'm sorry, Butters you know how I am" He apologized again. The blond wouldn't look up at him, perhaps in order to stop himself from crying. Walking over to his boyfriend. Eric took his hand and led him down the hall and into his Kitchen.

There, was a small chocolate cake with a candle on it. "Forgive me?" Eric asked, nestling his nose against the side of Butters head, causing the blond to blush

"o-of course ..." the short blond answered.

While Eric had accepted the answer at the time, now that he was looking back on the memory... He didn't believe that Butters really forgave him. There was still hurt and pain still lingering in his eyes, and his answer hadn't been convicting in the least.

He watched as his memory-self and Butters got the vanilla sweet Ice cream, and began to eat it with the cake.

Eric wanted to swear to himself that he'd never forget Butters Birthday EVER again…

But obviously that wasn't possible. If this procedure kept going, he wouldn't remember Butters PERIOD- never mind his birthday.

The room flickered and skipped again, and soon, Eric was falling back into yet another memory…


	3. Ch 3 Dont cry anymore

Eric's closed eyes fluttered; he felt warm and Safe

The familiar smell of Butter's room alerted his senses that he was in yet another memory.

He could feel Butter's lips lightly brushing across his neck and cheek, he sighed softly. He opened his eyes just a crack, to find it was morning, he gowned before he closed them again.

"talk-talk to me Eric, you hardly talk to me anymore…" Butters whispered sadly. "I tell you um everything… "Lately Eric had been talking to butters less and less. The small blond continued "Don't you well t-trust me Eric?"

Eric sighed, keeping his eyes closed. "Constantly bitching isn't communicating, Butters" He answered lazily.

He felt Butters lips and nose nuzzling behind his ear affectionately again. " Hmmm?" Eric murmured, still tried enough to think what Butters was Talking about wasn't important.

"I-I don't do that…" Butters replied; his voice laced with hurt; clearly, he was getting tired that Eric was ignoring him. The blond looked down "I just wanted to know what-what you're up too"

Eric finally sighed, opening his eyes a bit. "Sorry, for fuck sakes…" He mumbled, holding up a tired hand to signal Butters to calm down. He still didn't seem that affected by Butters sadness or cry baby face. "It's just… my life is boring. No more plans or schemes… I just…" he shrugged casually, not even bothering to finish his explanation as to why he never really talked to butters about his feelings or passion. He honestly for the love of god didn't know what to say at the time.

"Th-then what are we doing then?" Butters asked "why… why are we even bothering if-if you don't have any feelings… for-for passion, or l-love" He mumbled unhappily.

The chestnut haired teen sighed, turning onto his other side into Butters Body. He pulled the blond close to him , then buried his head into the brook of the blonds smooth neck; kissing the light skin gently in the hopes of soothing the blond AWAY from the awkward Topic he'd chosen to bring up this morning…

Butters blushed hard But Moved away from him and got out of bed. Eric groaned and decided to stay there; He figured if Butters woke UP in a pissy mood, he'd be in one all day long-so why get up to follow him and tell him he was sorry for being so vague? Butters should know by now... Eric T Cartman could sometimes be a generally vague person...

Propping himself up in the bed, Eric looked around but didn't see Butters or his sweet smile. He should have just answered his question… he could of at least told Butters that his Passion and his love was for him; that he just wanted to stay with Butters as long as he possibly could; and get out of this shitty ass town. Instead, he'd acted like an asshole, yet again- ruined a moment.

He figured this was the beginning of their deteriorating relationship; thank god he was already past THOSE moments though. Then again Eric had a sinking feeling he'd hate re-watching and re-living their 'happy' relationship moments just as much … if not more…

Everything flashed and he found himself Slipping through the familiar door of KFC, Eric stood toward the back of the KFC restaurant-his eyes shifting behind the counter to notice the small blond moving back and forth, doing his best to keep things clean and organized. That in itself might seem like a horrible task for Butters… But Eric wasn't surprised since Butters always did such a GOOD job.

"I came here so many times to meet you, to get you, to…wait for you…" Eric mumbled to himself as he sunk back into the memory.

His eyes focused on the familiar face of Clyde, who was standing at the serving counter, ordering his bucket of chicken. Eric remembered this day; he'd come in to work and saw what he THOUGHT was Clyde hitting on Butters. It pissed him off him immensely, and he'd put a stop to it by running Clyde off.

Of course, begin able to watch his memories in reverse, made Eric realize how many mistakes he'd made- this being one of them. He'd always been a bit jealous and possessive, but looking back, Eric wondered if he'd been stifling Butters. Did he have to ward off everyone that went near Butters? How come he hadn't trusted the blond? It's not like BUTTERS would ever cheat on HIM. He was fiercely loyal.

Eric walked over to the counter, catching the tail end of their conversation

"It's looks very cute..." Clyde gave a shrugged with smirk

"Yo-you think so?" Butters smiled at his off and on again friend Clyde.

The chestnut haired teen leaned against leaned against the counter, beside the tall skinny jock " what fucking looks cute…" He asked in dry tone trying to scare him. When Butters turned, his face flushed hard at Eric. Clyde didn't seem at all phased "Come on asshole, let me in on what's so cute" he growled, standing over Clyde.

"Nothing." Clyde mumbled, taking his bucket of chicken as Butters set the greased bag on the counter. Looking back to Butters, The brunette nodded " thank you, I will see you around ?" He said, giving the blond another small smile- before he left.

Eric was about to go after him, but he just gave him a death glare as he left, before he turned back to Butters "What was that about? What looks so cute?! Tell me!" He said firmly

"um well I …I was just asking him if he thought you would like my new shirt.." He blushed hard while tugging on the hem of his V-neck shirt. It WAS a new shirt, and Eric realized he actually hadn't seen it before.

Eric felt a little embarrassed at that and Butters must have notice this"you-you don't like it do you? Oh hamburgers! I knew it I-"Butters is cut off as Eric grabbed his shirt and pulled him in to a deep kiss. "Shut up butters, an-and it does kinda look cute "His voiced cracked but Butters loved the comment either way.

Butters smiled warmly and blushed hard

Eric's eyes ran over him. Fuck… why had he ever wanted to give someone like this up? Butters Scotch, contrary to Eric Cartman , who would never hurt a soul; not emotionally, and certainly not physically. At least, not on purpose.

As the room began to shimmer and distort, Eric kept his hand clutched around the string of Butters apron... Like if he didn't let go, they couldn't erase this memory.

When he blinked, he wasn't clutching onto Butter's apron anymore.. Instead, his hands were clenching the steering wheel of his pickup truck and Butters was with him looking out the front window watching the sun set.

"so um what do you think?" He blushed hard, glancing toward Butters as he parked the Truck at the top of the hill of Stark's Pond.

The small blond beside him gave him a smile "I-I love it Eric, it's so wonderful out here"

Eric just smirked "well …it was nothing"

"th-that's not true, you're a really swell guy Eric this is the most fun I had in a while and…and" Butters stopped and looked into Eric's eyes " Your eyes… there so calm and se-sexy"

Eric raised a brow and looked at Butters. The blond, realizing what he'd said, clasped his hands over his mouth before flushing an even deeper red.

"Seriously?" Eric asked

Butters looked scared for a moment "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean … well I did but I didn't mean for it to sound so um… faggy"

Eric couldn't help but chuckle as he pushed the lever that dropped the blond's seat until he was practically lying down.

The truck was roomy, and with nothing between the driver and passenger's seats Eric was able to easily able to push himself forward and gently position on top of the small helpless butters.

"E-Eric…" The blond blushed hard, as everything seem to stop.

Eric looked into his eyes and smirked evil , placing his ruff lips over the small Butters own, butters eyes began to close shut, Eric forced his tongue slowly into others mouth, licking everything inside causeing a small sigh to escape from the blond.

Butters arms slid up his chest and wrapped around his neck pulling him closer as Eric rubbed his hands up and down Butter's small hips causing the other to let out a soft moan, Eric has always been asked what he wanted; I guess he finally found it in butters.

Slim legs wrap tightly around his large waist, not wanting this moment to end it was a wonderful night that Eric loved and so did Butters

Eric pulled Butters close, as he started to fade into the darkness "no... I don't want to lose this fucking one… for fuck sakes don't take this from me!" he shouted but it was too late.

When Eric blinked open his eyes, he was no longer in the car, but flat on his back in his own backyard. Looking beside him, he saw Butters also lying there; looking up at the sky. It was the early evening; the sky was just changing to blue, pink and purple.

Confused initially as to what memory this was, Eric looked to the other side of him to see a tall headstone, which read; CLYDE FROG

"The funeral…." He mumbled to himself, as it all came back to him

Butters turned and looked at Eric with worry in his eyes "E-Eric? A-are you feeling better?" He asked sweetly.

"Fuck no" Eric spoke a bit angrier then he needed too. It was the anniversary of Clyde frog death

Eric's attention turns from the small headstone, when he felt Butters nestle up beside him, and wrap his arms around his waist. "H-he was a –a great childhood friend …and he-he was lucky to have such a –a good friend …like you I-I bet you love him as much as any kid would" butters offered gently, as his fingers ran down his chest as he rested his head on his chest. Something about that struck Eric, and he looked down at the loyal blond by his side. Shifting over, the tall foot ball player repositioned them, so he was propping himself up over butters- who was looking up at him a bit curiously…. Even slightly blushing; maybe he was worried he said something wrong

"I'm going to miss him…" Eric muttered deeply. "But... At least I still have someone to take of" He said, running his fire eyes over Butters angelic face "I still have someone who loves me…. And someone that I love" Eric blushed full red as he said that while getting closer to the small butters while the small bear named Clyde JR. sat beside them.

A small, graceful smile slowly grew on Butters lips as he looked dreamily up and into his chocolate like eyes, they exchange a tender kiss …

"No … for fuck sakes no!" Eric said aloud, as they finished kissing. "I don't want to forget this one... "He said "leave it alone ... Leave it here" He begged, pressing his forehead against the memory of Butters.

He'd been the only one to comfort him; The ONLY person who'd been able to make him feel better after lose of Clyde frog, after so many years of begin broken. Everyone else had just said: 'dude get over it' or 'who was that?' …. But Butters had been a shoulder to cry on and spend the whole day with him while telling Eric, he was the best friend Clyde Frog or even Butters could ask for. He WAS a good friend- but he never feel like he was second ….

Butters had never been second…

At least … he hadn't intended Butters to ever feel like he second …He closed his eyes and let himself into the darkness

"Can I open them now?" Eric asked with chuckle, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips as he sat on the edge of butters bed. Eric had his eyes closed and since Butters had said that he had something to show him. He heard rustling around, accompanied by small giggles "no-not yet Eric! And no peeking! "  
>Eric just chuckled at the blond, "just hurry up"<br>Finally, heard footsteps coming toward him "Um o-okay... ya can look now" Butters announced a loud.

Eric slowly opened his eyes and was met with the nervous-but excitedly smiling-face of his blond boyfriend, sporting a new, blue short sleeve button-up shirt, and new jeans that hugged to his slender legs. "Do-do um ya like it?" He asked shyly.

"Damn …babe" Eric mouth hung open, watching as Butters turned around to further model his new outfit. "You look so fucking hot…" He smirked "you look good enough to eat …"

"You know, how about we skip dinner…" He purred as he pulled him closer and Butters lowered his head, and they shared a deep kiss. He ran his hands up the blond's body pulling him into his lap.

"I could eat you instead…" He continued huskily.

Eric started to hump butters, but butters pulled away "E-Eric, I don't want to rip these new Clothes" He giggled, he was able to get himself out of Eric's grip, Butters made his way into the bathroom; it was dulling the light that shone outside-but when Butters started to change, Eric couldn't help but think he just looked even more angelic.

"Butters…" Eric Laughed then decides to be a bit playful.

But Butters just chuckled and smiled while taking off his shirt "what-what is it Eric?" He asked, that's when he feels Eric pulls him close and started licking his neck "tasty…" He spoke softly breathing in his ear.

"Ah-ah!" Butters moaned and rubbed against Eric while feeling Eric start to get horny.

"I don't want to forget this…" Eric said desperately. "Not THIS one, either!" He begged and pleaded; well aware he'd asked to keep the previous memory… but hell... now that he seemed to be going back into the parts of his relationship with Butters when he was happiest, he didn't want to erase anymore.

Losing the bad memories- maybe he could live with that.

But loosing the GOOD memories was turning out to be hell for him..

Eric held the blond tightly to him but only for the memory to turn into the puff of smoke along with everything else.

When he emerged from the smoke, he wasn't in Butters bedroom anymore.

Suddenly, Eric was in the woods.

It was daylight again- early morning; crisp weather suddenly flooding through his senses. Looking around, Eric took a few steps forward "Butters?"" He called.

As he rounded one particular tree- he jumped at the sight of the small blond jumping out at him.

"For fuck sakes! Butters!" Eric exclaimed, caught off guard as his heart raced. He forgot that this was the morning he and Butters decided to skip class which is something that butters hardly ever does. They'd wrapped up the day by going to see a movie. Butters had gone around hiding in different places, and Eric went around looking for him.

The blond looked worried for his boyfriend "O-oh I'm sorry Eric, I didn't think I would scare you that much!" but then the two started laughing.

"Butters… I'm so fucking sorry I am … I am such dumb ass" Eric pleaded, walking along behind the memory of Butters as they moved through the forest.

The blond just smiled, but seemed content, " I-I know Eric but there's nothing you can do now" He said; like Butters was Eric's own subconscious, talking and interacting with him. " Y-you should at least relax and en-enjoy it while you still can"  
>" NO! I can't! No more! I've gotta stop it!"" Eric said with an air of determination to his voice; he quickened his pace in order to walk beside Butters. "I've gotta wake up before I lose you for good!" He said, look at the blond intensely. "I don't want to FORGET this… not any of this I-I love you too fucking much for that " he blushed hard and butters did the same as he sat down on a fallen tree, " do-do you mean that Eric?" Butters looked at him closely, Eric just nodded. " can't you just cancel it?" He asked watching as Eric sits down.<p>

"I fucking can't cancel it, they've already started! I've already lost some memories of you… "Eric said dishearteningly

Butters looked to the sky –appearing like he was thinking hard "then-then just wake up!"

Eric just shook his head and didn't answer. Glancing toward Butters, even though it was dumb idea but it was worth a shot He closed his eyes and tried to pinch himself really hard. It didn't work. When he opened his eyes, he was still sitting on that fallen tree beside Butters, in his memory.

Butters looked at him with hope in his eyes " well? Did-did it work?" He asked sweetly.

" oh yeah. I'm so awake right now!" Eric retorted sarcastically.

The blond looked down embarrassingly- and once again, Eric felt bad. Why did he say things like that to Butters? The Poor little Teen didn't deserve it, and the more Eric saw him, The worse he felt.

Leaning over, he pulled Butters into his lap and wrapped his arms around him- and nestled his nose against the blond's. Lifting his chin, their lips brushed against one another and Eric sighed …

When he opened his eyes, his arms were wrapped around but nothing but thin air, and Butters was gone. He was alone.

Standing up, Eric Looked around the woods wildly- beginning to panic as the true reality of what he'd done began to set in.

They were erasing Eric from his soul … his mind .. his heart. He was loosing memories left and right, and they wouldn't stop until he ceased to know Butters Scotch: The only boy he loved, the boy he needed, the boy whose heart he'd crushed.

" Stop it… stop it! " Eric whispered to himself, his eyes beginning to tear up. Running through the woods a little ways, he yelled out " Call it off!" He shouted, praying that Danny or even at least Dr. Alice would hear him.

Turning around frantically, he looked up toward the sky "I know you can hear me, mother fuckers! Wake me up!" He cursed to the skies. Panting heavily, Eric looked around trying to think of a way out;. A way to wake himself up and stop this whole thing before the past ten years of his life became a waste…

Spotting a steep hill, Eric bolted toward it- running full speed, preparing to throw himself down the hill, in hopes of jerking himself awake. That's how these things worked, right? if you hurt yourself or 'fell' in a dream, you often jolted yourself awake. Gritting his teeth together, Eric reached the end of the steep edge, and jumped….

Instead of landing on a forest floor, Eric Jolted up in the darkness; Stars and an open surrounding him as he found himself in the back his old truck. Looking around confusedly, he noticed that he truck was parked on a hill- and was facing a good view of South Park.

"Fuck…" Eric mumbled to himself.

He and Butters had gotten into the habit of going out and watching the stars, it made Butters very happy to watch the stars, Eric always like seeing how butters would point out the stars and how he would cross his fingers when a fallen star would past by.

But it was hard to enjoy this trip down 'memory lane' …. Since Eric was all too aware it be his LAST trip. The bridge was literally burning down behind him

He felt Butters snuggle up closer to him as they lay in the back of the truck, watching the stars " it's so beautiful tonight Eric…" The blond giggled gently.

"Yeah it is…. But not as Beautiful as you" Eric spoke softly with a smirk, Hold him closer.

Butters blushes full red at the comment "s-stop it Eric, you make me blush" He said cutely.

Eric Sighed and held Butters closer to him, Forcing the blond to look at him. " I want to stop this, Butters" He sighed. "We need to find a way… to at least hide you" He mumbled, before he paused " or at least …. The memory of you"

" E-Eric you did your best…" He said in a sad tone. "J-just enjoy the stars while you still can…"

The tall football player looked to him firmly "No, Butters. I don't want that…. It's not over yet" He admitted. "We're not done. This was such a bad, fuckin' idea" He grumbled, sliding out of the back of the open-ended, and pulling Butters with him.

" W-where are we going Eric?" The blond asked quickly.

Eric pulled him along as he marched across the open field, away from his vehicle. "I lost you once I'm not gonna lose you again!" He snapped. "This is my head, so I can do whatever I want, right?" Eric reassured himself; if he believed it, it could be true.

Maybe in a memory Butters never really Existed in before; after all, if he took Butters to a memory where he didn't belong-the doctor and his intern performing this procedure couldn't FIND him, right? He'd be able to keep a piece of Butters alive…

When he opened his eyes, Eric was surprised to find himself in a toy store.

He furrowed his brow, and noticed Butters was still in his arms. "Son of bitch… it's working" He smiled, looking around and holding the small blond tighter. His eyes finally settled on a couple of people further down the toy isle.

It was HIM…. At least… a 5 year old bratty version of him. God he was so well big boned. Eric watched as he and his Mother pointed out a particular green frog that he was yelling and begging his mom to buy.

"This was when I first got Clyde frog…" Eric recalled aloud.

Butters looked sad, but also looking around in utter confusion " B-But this doesn't make sense, I wasn't here for this.."

"Exactly." Eric smirked. " They won't be able to find you in THIS memory… Because This Memory had nothing to do with you. So I can hid you here … and when I wake up tomorrow... I'll still remember you" he smiled in relief…

Meanwhile

Danny furrowed his grow…

"Huh…" He mumbled.

Dr. Alice was busy looking through some files; she didn't look up as she heard Danny's Voice. "What, Danny?" She asked lazily, flipping through some papers.

"… well um… Mr. Cartman is … off the map" He said awkwardly.

The doctor sat up and looked over at him " what do you mean he's off the map?"

" uh , well the map. The digital map and layout we'd structured to erase…. He's not responding, now. I'm not getting a reading" He said worriedly.

Dr. Alice stood up and headed over to Eric's Lifeless looking body, as it lay motionless on the hospital bed he was connected to. Examining him to see if he was conscious or in any kind of mental or emotional distress, She came to the conclusion that Eric was still fine; at least, not in any pain as a result of the procedure.

Moving over to the computer, she took over for Danny and began to extend the map of Eric's mind- looking for the section where she could find an active reading.

"It's not possible he's hiding… right?" Danny asked tentatively. " I mean-It wouldn't be the first time that's happened" he muttered. " that small blond we did the other week did the same thing when I was trying to erase HIS memory" Danny Grumbled annoyingly. " Took me three hours to find the freak… he just kept jumping around into all these memories. I mean, for god sakes " He scoffed to himself.

Dr. Alice sighed, Ignoring Danny's comment for the moment as he searched. " There…" The young woman said finally ; getting a lock on the active part of Eric's Memory. " Very strange indeed…" She mumbled. " He is in a memory that is in NO way related to the subject he asked us to erase. But, there's also no proof that the jump from the memory-map was intentional. Sometimes the mind reverts back to the place of peace and happiness when the patient is stressed, or experience a sensation of grief; loss" She pointed out. Typing a few quick commands and sighed " Let's just get Mr. Cartman back on track, shall we? I'd like to finish before 1am this time" He grumbled.

Back in Eric's state of mind

Eric and Butters wandered around the memory of the toy store; The football player fiercely holding his hand… but satisfied with the fact he'd managed to 'hide' this little bit of Butters in another part of his memory.

"W-why are all these rows filled with well different colored frogs?" Butters asked curiously, leaning against Eric as they walk down the next row of toys.

Eric just shrugged , wrapping his arm around Butters. "I dunno, maybe because I was just a kid….so… I didn't notice any other toys? The memory is a fucked up place, and entirely accurate, Butters" He grumbled, Having seen enough shit over the pass…

Wait… how long had been inside head? Eric realized he had no concept of time in here.

"Oh hamburgers!" Butters exclaimed, bringing Eric out of his thoughts, looking up to find his blond boyfriend looking terrified- Eric saw he was staring down the length of the toy store… lights were shutting off one by one; a darkness approaching them.

Eric clenched his Teeth. "Fuck!" He yelled, now having experience of what his 'memories' tended to do before they got erased. "Motherfucker! Fuck you bitch!" He yelled to the ceiling, hoping that the doctor could hear him.

Didn't that give them some kind of clue! If he was going so far as to try and hide in other, unmapped memories…didn't that tell him he didn't want to do this anymore?

" oh-oh god! There looking for us! I'm going to be gone forever!" Butters started painc, pulling his hair with his one hand as his other hand clenched into Eric's strong, desperate grip. " y-you can't hide me d-deep enough! Oh geez!"

Eric narrowed his eyes, throwing his arms around Butters. " Fuck this!" He snapped, closing his eyes and willing himself into another memory. He'd done it before; he could do it again..

Opening his eyes again, Eric found he was in bed; he was panting heavily and lying on his back. He suddenly became painfully aware of how aroused he was.. his stiff dick was in his hand as he continued masturbating… while moaning Butters name.

" oh jeez…" The flustering blond exclaimed turning away, lying in bed beside him.

Eric had to be about thirteen in memory. " Sh-shut up butters.." Eric panted, Continuing to masturbate.

" Eric, Honey?" The sound of his mom's voice came from outside of his room. His eyes shot open as his mother walked in; Butters tried to hunker down beneath the sheets of Eric's bed ( that It would matter, since the memory of his mother wouldn't be able to see this memory of Butters hiding out in his bed). " Dinner is almost ready-" She froze when she noticed her son, lying on his bed, frantically trying hide his erection " MOM!" "Oh there's not need to be shy everybody does it at your age" "MOM GET OUT!" Eric yelled at her, "alright sweetie … I'll just leave dinner out for you, ok?" she called as she closed the door.

The chestnut boy sunk back, groaning in complete humiliation.

Fuck. He'd forgotten that his mother had walked in on him masturbating when he was younger. It was an awkward moment that MOST boys had to deal with. It didn't help that his mom talk to him about the birds and bee's later on…

Suddenly, Eric heard Butters giggling hysterically from beneath the sheets.

"Shut the fuck up!" He hissed uncomfortably; blushing deeply and turning on his side away from the memory of Butters he was trying so desperately to save.

Alright, so he hadn't really been thinking when he decided to transfer them both to this humiliating point in his life.

The blond giggled and spooned up against Eric's back. " A-aw Eric… it's alright… shucks it happens to everyone.." He said, still trying to stifle his cute laugh.

"Fuck you" He sighed in obvious embarrassment. "Fuck you so hard" He growled.

Butters smiled, "That-that would be more effective than masturbating, h-huh?" He giggled

"What?" Eric smirked, turning and grabbing Butters. The blond squeaked and laughed as the brown haired bad boy wrapped his arms around him playfully and began to kiss him. " I guess this is a small price to pay if I get to keep you hidden sexy…" He mumbled "so you saw me masturbating … I can live with that. I fucked your brains out, so it's not like you're new to this …" He licked his lips

Butters laughed and blushed "B-But I've never seen a thirteen year old Eric jack-jacking off to himself" He pointed out.

Back in the real world

"Fuck" Danny sighed. "Sorry… um… He'd off the map again" He grumbled unhappily.

Dr. Alice sighed, coming back around toward the computer. "Well … voluntary or not, this is becoming bothersome. We better hurry" She said to herself while typing a few commands and beginning to search Eric's Brain for stimulated Activity.

Back with other two

Butters and Eric had shifted under his blankets and were lying in his bed.

"D-Do you hear that?" He asked curiously, hearing something that sounded like wind.

Pulling himself from beneath the covers, Eric found they were still in bed… but no longer in his room. They were in the middle of Stark's Pond, Right by the frozen pond.

"FUCK!" Eric cursed, realizing that Danny or Dr. Alice was putting him back on track, once again.

Well…. There goes any memory of him getting caught masturbating by his mother…

At least that wasn't one he'd miss. Not at all.

" pl-please don't let me go!" Butters mutters as Eric tugged him along the ice

They were at Stark's pond; the whole thing was solidly frozen over, while around them, the empty fields were covered in white blankets of snow.

Eric laughed, pulling the reluctant blond along anyway. "Come on Butters don't you trust me?"

They weren't skating; Eric had just wanted to slide around the ice on his boots. Unfortunately, he lost his footing, and went tumbling down onto his back after hooking his grip on the slippery, frozen surface. Butters tumbled right down with him.

Surprisingly, the blond laughed instead of crying- as he landed right on top of Eric. Smiling, the chestnut haired teen wrapped his arms around Butters, who shifted and posited himself, straddling Eric's waist. The broader teen sat up, instinctively wrapping his arms around the small framed blond.

Eric nestled his nose against Butter's " I love you so fucking much" He purred gently.

" I um love you …" The small teen answered , wrapping his arms even tighter around Eric's neck as they sat on the ice.

Eric lifted his chin as Butters snuggled his head into his neck and chest, enjoying just being held. Eric sighed and looked up to the chilly, light snowy sky above " I could die right now, Butters. I'm just... Happy. I've never felt that before" He admitted genuinely and truthfully. "I'm exactly where I want to be …. Right here with you" 

Realizing he couldn't do anything to escape this, Eric's eyes began to well up with tears again …

He closed his eyes; regretting ever setting foot in the unknown company ….

As the bell rang, Eric slowly opened his eyes; they were still teary, but now, he found himself in their high school hallway …. Not at the stark's pond with butters.

He shifted slightly as students file past him without even giving him another look, Before he caught sight of Butters walking from the classroom. As soon as he saw Eric, his face lit up and he scurried over to him " H-Hi" He greeted sweetly, snuggling into Eric's Chest.

"I asked you if you missed me….." He said gently; Bleary, heartbroken eyes still looking at the blond before him.

Butters smiled and blushed, " I-I always miss you …" The memory answered. " B-but not as much as you miss me"

Eric smiled weakly as he and Butters began to walk down the hall.

"You have no idea how right you were. Butters" Eric sighed, Talking to himself again as he started at the blond he walked hand in hand with. "I always thought YOU would miss ME- more then I'd ever miss you" He described.

They stopped at Butters locker as he began to exchange his books for their next period; which happened to be together.

"I hope you fucking regretted this as much as I do…When you were going through this." He continued to speak to the memory like it was ACTALLY butters. " I hope you realized what a fucking mistake this was… how stupid we were, and how easy it would have been to fix it- if we'd both known what we'd be giving up " He continued sadly.

His eyes ran over Butters face, as the memory began to go on shly about whatever it is they'd talked about that day. For some reason, The sound of the memory had cut out… and now it was aching slience, as his memory mimed the rest.

Eric Noticed the students around them had no faces anymore… a sign that this memory was coming to an end, "but maybe you didn't regret it…" Eric uttered in a low, hurt voice. "Maybe I'd fucked things up so much, you were happy to wipe me and our past away" He said.

He reached out to touch Butters- But as the memory flickered to darkness, then back to the memory… Eric found he was the only one in the school hall.

"Please just stop…" He sighed, sliding back down against the lockers to sit on the floor.

When Eric lifted his head he found himself in Stan's House- yet another party, hosted by their caption of soccer team himself Stan. This time Eric Fortunately wasn't hitting on any other girl there, and he and Butters weren't separated.

They were curled up on the couch together. They were seated in the corner of Stan's living room sofa's ; Eric in the corner with Butters nestled right in beside him, almost tight on his lap.

"I'm …I'm a l-little tipy I guess" Butters giggled, nestling his nose and lips into Eric's neck.

He smiled solemnly, but didn't say anything. He was too depressed. Why bother? This was just one disappointing scene after the other. He still remembered this night; even though he and Butters were mostly drunk, and had somehow stumbled into Stan's Patents rooms, and had sex before they passed out there.

Looking over at the Memory of butters, Eric was surprised to see the memory staring at him contently. " Y-you're not enjoying this, are you?" his imagination clarified.

" for the first time , Can't say that I am …" He muttered back, resting his head against Butters.

The small blond snuggled closer to him. Eric looked over at the memory of his lover, wrapped in his arms. Leaning down, he placed a kiss on his soft lips.

Suddenly, the party went silent, and when Eric looked up – all the party guest's were gomel there wasn't even any furniture to be seen, except the one couch they were sitting on.

Letting out a annoyed sigh, Eric rested his forehead against Butters. " It would be different…" He whispered "… if we could just start all fucking over…" the chestnut haired teen expressed woefully

Butters looked up at him with his big, blue eyes

"Think of me … Remember me…" The blond said, holding Eric's large hand in his small one while giving him a sweet hopeful smile. "I- I know you can do it. We can …"He said

Learning forward, Butters bumped his nose against Eric's in an Eskimo peck

Then like a flash he was gone.

Eric was left alone; He could only stare down at the empty spot where Butters had once been …

He wanted to ask WHEN this whole fucking thing would end … But Eric already knew the answer to that , It wouldn't stop until Every last memory he had of Butters was gone …


	4. Ch 4 I swear I won't cry

When his eyes opened, he found he was in his room- lying in a bed with strewn sheets in his black boxers.

He sleepily looked around for something-before he got up and pulled on his baggy jeans

Heading out of his room and scuffing his long, chestnut colored hair, he headed downstairs with a yawn. Eric could hear small noises coming from the kitchen, and it made him smile. As he wandered in, He saw Butters making breakfast; the blond turned from the stove to look at the doorway he gave a sweet smile when he noticed it was Eric.

Butters looked so adorable; he too was in his hello kitty boxers only he was wearing the red Extra large T-shirt Eric had worn the night before. "Good M-Morning!" He said gently, a blush tainting his pale cheeks in the early morning light. "Um... I didn't want to wake you, I was going to-to make you breakfast in bed…" He explained while blushing recalling the events that took place last night.

" It's alright" Eric soothed, walking up to him and grabbing his the small framed butters and holding him close to his body "Morning…" he purred placing a kiss on the side of Butter's temple. The blond leaned into a bit, before Eric moved back to his round kitchen table, and sat down.

Butter sat two plats of sweet pancakes with crispy bacon on the side; Butters brought them over and set them on the table. "This looks great" Eric pointed out.

"g-gee thanks Eric that means a lot coming from you…" Butters smiled warmly "I-I made this-this especially for you … I p-promise you'll love it. " He began to eat his own food as he watched a sleepily Eric.

The football player rolled his eyes as he smirked, before taking a big bit. He bought it to his lips, and started to chew and swallow it down his throat. Surprisingly, it wasn't bad- and the expression must have shown on Eric's face, because Butters smile grew even more hopeful.

"It's … great as always" He admitted

Butters smiled shyly " I-I took my time and made it just for you" He admitted. "I'm gl-glade you always love my cooking, it makes me happy…" He explained.

Taking another big bit, Eric finally finished off his last piece of pancakes and patted his lap. Butters let out a small cute giggle before he moved from his seat, and slid onto Eric's Knee.

"I enjoy waking up with you" He said gently, placing a kiss on Butters pale neck, which was now riddled with small bite marks and hickies.

The blond blushed and nestled closer against Eric. "w-was this…a… one night stand?" He asked sadly.

"No" Eric answered, furrowing his brow. "Why the fuck would you think that?"

Butters looked down, "I-I just…. No one has ever …well um last night wa-was my first um… time" He tried to explain; Eric could see him getting more and more red., his eyes almost welling with tears. "It's just hard to believe t-that you're not …going to…"  
>"Butters" Eric soothed, wrapping his arms tighter around the blond. "Last night was NOT a one-night stand. It was the FIRST stand" he smiled warmly. "And there will be many more 'stands' to come." Eric purred reassuringly as he placed a gentle kiss on Butters lips." Your all mine… were officially together now"<p>

The small teen in his lap chocked out a happy, relieved sob and threw his arms around Eric's neck in a tight embrace…

Eric held him back as tightly as he could. "No… please for god sakes no" He mumbled aloud, tears beginning to, once more, form in his own eyes. "No, NOT this one… not this one… not this one!" He begged, knowing exactly what memory happened prior to this one…

His first time sleeping with Butters….

Eric flopped down on the bed next to Butters, Completely out of breath, but completely satisfied. They were fully naked-lying side by side as their breathing began to regulate once more.

"Oh my..." Butters spoke out of breath. "Um it's kinda-kinda chilly in here" The blond said.

The chestnut looked to him with a small smirk, and grabbed the blankets that lay bunched at the end of his bed. He brought them up in a big gesture- pulling them right overhead, so he and Butters were nestled beneath the blankets completely in a 'mock' fort. His lover squeaked, before shifting over closer to Eric, as they faced one another.

The two smiled at one another warmly; Butters wasn't even shying away as much as they lay in the afterglow of their physical connection, Eric let out a slow sigh, closing his weary eyes.

But Butters stayed awake; his large, curious baby blue orbs running over Eric's face.

"E-Eric…" Butters whispered lightly.

Eric shifted his head; bust didn't open his eyes as he answered. "Mhmh?"  
>"Am I …Am I…ugly?" The blond asked.<p>

Eric opened his eyes shifting closer to butters; his brow furrowed and he shook head. "No"

" I-I …um I just always … thought …" Butters stammered lowering his eyes nervously as a blush crept onto his cheeks. "I-I know, no one really likes me… I'm j-just …plan old me "He whispered, Eric noticed him biting his lower lip, through his eyes were still pointed down; like he was trying not to cry. " I wish w-was like you… I w-wish I was …like you so brave " He stopped himself again and quietly whimpered.

It was heartbreaking to listen to him trying to pour his heart out- since it was clearly hard to do, He remembered feeling bad for Butters; he hated the fact that others would treat him like shit…and Eric knew then and there, that he'd start then and there to help Butters become braver.

Shifting over, Eric leaned down over Butters and Began to place light, tender kisses along his cheek, jaw and temple "You're beautiful, Butters…" He whispered against his skin. His hands came up to softly run through Butters soft silky hair as he continued to soothe him "You're not like anyone else …and that's not a bad thing..." He mumbled. Frankly, that was what Eric loved most about him. As much as HE liked things his way and controlling things- and found he didn't care what anyone else thought about him –Butters had been the one exception.

"Eric…." Butters spoke speechless, closing his eyes as he leaned his head up toward Eric's affection; his arms coming to wrap around the broad waist of Chestnut haired who laid a top him, " D-don't ever leave me.. Please" He begged.

He pressed his lips to Butter's in a deep, brief kiss, " I won't" Eric swore seriously, before he began to kiss his way down the column of the blonds' throat, then back up to his jaw…

But suddenly, Butter's appearance seemed to turn a bit more transparent, then, in an instant, he was completely gone, and Eric was lying on the bed alone.

"No…" He whimpered, crawling up the bed as he clutched to the sheets desperately. "Please let me keep this memory…" Eric begged to tears softly.

When Eric opened his eyes, he was standing in his empty kitchen. It was nighttime; the house was pretty quiet, except for the sound of the foot sets that echoed.

Butters was perched up, sitting on the counter sipping hot chocolate sweetly as he blushed and kept his large, deep-eyes on Eric. "I –I hope this gets easier…" He admitted shyly.

"It will sexy..." Eric reassured him, giving the blond a reassuring smirk. "Soon we won't need to be so secretive about everything" He shrugged. "Not that I give a fuck what they care….but I want you to feel comfortable" He purred, walking up to where Butters was perched on the counter.

Eric shifted in to stand between Butters opened legs as the dangled off the edge of the counter. "You-you really mean that Eric?" Butters asked with hope and cheer; his eyes looking into Eric's as he blushed "you...You wouldn't be embarrassed?"  
>"What do I need to say to prove to you...? That I really DO like you?" Eric asked huskily, trailing and nesting his nose along Butter's Cheek; dipping in behind his ear and into his soft, silk blond hair.<p>

Butters sighed and set his hot coco down- sliding his hands up into Eric's Dark hair. His hands felt warm from the cup he'd been holding, and the chestnut haired teen found himself letting out a deep sigh.

"Do you like me, Butters?" Eric purred into his ear.

The blond moaned lightly and tightened his hands in Eric's hair briefly, before sliding his arms around shoulders. "You-you're… so sweet…" he spoke bashfully "you-you're strong and… h-handsome…" He continuing around; stopping to lap at his lower lip

"A-ah!" Butters whispered "E-Eric!"

Their lips crushed against one another, his hand held Butters head strongly while his tongue explored his mouth eagerly, while the blond's arms and legs wrapped around Eric's waist and neck: he was latching on for dear life.

Hoisting Butters up, Eric groaned as they began to stumble back through the kitchen-past the living room and hastily up the stairs. The blond kept his legs and arms tightly wrapped around Eric like some kind of koala as they made out passionately-both with the single goal in mind of getting to Eric's bedroom. As they burst into the room, Butters made a small, gasp as they collapsed onto the bed; Eric landing on his back.

But instead of hitting a soft mattress, Eric groaned as he smashed back against a set of lockers. Opening his eyes, he saw he was in their high school hallway. "FUCK!" He cursed.

Students began to file out of their classrooms as soon as the bell rung and Eric's Chocolate fire eyes searched for the small teen with lovely blond hair. When he finally spotted Butters, a small smirk touched the corner of his lips, before he replaced it with an annoyed yet bored look; the usual.

"H-heya Eric!" The greeted with big smile, standing beside the tall chestnut teen.

Eric just turned, "whatever … come on" He gruffed out impatiently, before he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his red hoodie. Butters nodded and followed behind closely, occasionally making eye contact once or twice as they pushed past the students crowding the halls. Reaching their lockers. Eric slowly Exchanged his books; his eyes flickering over toward Butters, who still had a smile with cheerfulness in his blue eyes as he exchange books for their next class.

As the crowded halls began to thing again, Eric looked Butters up and down- before he reached out, and suddenly smacked the books out of Butters hand. They fell to the floor; some papers scattering around them. The blond looked up scared toward Eric, biting his lower lip as his knees began to shake. But when Eric didn't hurt him, he knelt down to pick them up, Stan and Kyle walked past "fatass is picking on butters once again..." Kyle grumbled.

Eric shot him a glare and flipped him off. He watched as the students began to disappear as they hurried to their next class. Football player could care less if they were late; that much was obvious as he waited for every last person to vacate the hall. Once they were alone, Eric grabbed butters by his shirt and quickly hauled him to his feet- slamming him against the lockers. Butters cried out in alarm, but Eric's lips crashing over his own silenced his voice.

The blond couldn't help but moan as Eric's tongue dominated his mouth like he was trying to devour him whole. When they finally parted, both teens panting heavily. "Sorry…" Eric smirked evil like. "Making you drop your books was the only thing I could think of to give us a moment alone." He breathed huskily against Butter's lips as he pressed his body again the shorter blond's.

Butters blushed, biting his lower lip as his eyes trailed over Eric's face. "o-oh..."

He titled his head. "You didn't actually think I was bullying you, did you?" Eric asked, a slight hint of concern tinting his otherwise monotone voice.

"W-well, I…." Butters stammered, looking down. "Maybe-maybe for a minute… I didn't …um" He continued finding the best way to explain as he clutched to the front of Eric's hoodie. He knew Butters was always worried that he was going to suddenly 'hate him'.

Eric looked at him softly, before he pulled Butters into a warm hug. He instantly burrowed his face into the crook of Eric's Neck and beneath his chin. Shifting his head bit, he rested his cheek atop Butters head and looked down the hall with a sign "We should head to class…"He mumbled reluctantly, "I'll just tell the teacher to go fuck himself."

Eric could feel Butters head shift in a nodding motion beneath his cheek….

"Butters." Eric said, interrupting the brief silence when a lump began to his throat.

The blond nestled deeper into his arms. "Y-Yeah Eric?" He asked quietly.

"….I can't fucking stop this." He admitted; his voice sounded slightly strained, like he was doing his best not to cry. He had tried everything he could possibly think of to keep these memories and nothing had worked. Looking down at the blond, who stared up at him with large, beautiful baby blue eyes, Eric shook his head sadly. "What do we do….I-I can't do anything" He asked, completely out of ideas.

"E-Enjoy it…" Butters whispered simply, giving the tall football player an encouraging, sweet smile as the memory began to disappear…

"E-Eric, I don't feel right about this...And I –I don't like these kinds of movies" Butters exclaimed in a whisper rubbing his knuckles as they made their way through a crowd of people.

The couple had come on their date to the local movie theatre; they were playing a double creature-feature; it had been Eric's idea to sneak in aft the intermission with all the smokers.

"Relax butters! Second-acting is subversive act." Eric Mumbled with a devilish smirk as he led Butters inside the building; the mingled with the 'smoking' crowd to avoid begin checked or seen. "50 bucks, Fuck Tickets prices are too high for this shitty-town" He growled as they headed into the movie theatre.

Eric sighed as he clutched onto Butters hand.

"I'm done, Butters… I can't fucking do it anymore: He muttered sadly. "I'm just gonna ride it out, hiding is clearly not working."

Butters tilted his head and looked to Eric "… y-you mean it?" The blond asked curiously and surprised, wondering if he was serious about giving up.

"I just want to enjoy these last moments with you" He whispered, pulling the memory of Butters close as he buried his nose into his blond hair.

Stopping at few of the seats in the theatre, Butters smiled and looked up the big movie screen. "This…this was our first date" He recalled excitedly.

"Do you remember what we talked about?" Eric asked; he knew it was a stupid question to ask a projection of Butters that was happening in his own memory… but hell, he just wanted to pretend that this Butters was real, and that he could interact with it.

The blond furrowed his brow cutely, before looking down deep in thought. "Um well …you told me jokes and um … we talked about um Kenny" Butters recalled.

Eric nodded; He'd gone out with Kenny in the past a few times before- but they'd ended things on bad terms. They were still friend, but they'd slipped away from each other; it just hadn't worked out… especially since Eric realized his feelings for Butters.

"We did... We talked about him" Eric repeated. It felt stupid now-looking back on it- to talk about an ex-boyfriend to your new boyfriend.

Butters nodded as they took their seats in the movie theatre, "Y-Yeah…" He blushed. " A-And I said; are.. Are you sure?" The blond said, helping to narrate the memory. " Yo-you seem unsure"

"I'm sure; I said." Eric continued, staring at Butters longingly

The blond smiled. "b-But you weren't" He giggled, looking back to the movie screen. "….I-I understand if you didn't want to tell me, I could tell …."

There was a brief moment of silence that fell between them as the theatre seats continued to fill up.

"I am now" Eric said finally. Butters looked over to him "I'm so sure" The chestnut teen whispered; turning his eyes reluctantly back to the empty theatre. Leaning over, he kissed Butters sweetly on the lips…

Hearing the theatre go silent, Eric noticed all the patrons had disappeared; it was just the two of them sitting in the empty theatre. Leaning over, he kissed Butters sweetly on the lips…

It was all ending so fast.

Blinking a few times, Eric found himself in a dark living room….HIS dark living room ( to be exact) .

He and Butters were sitting on the couch and watching 'the Texas chain Saw Massacre'- Of course, they were both sitting against one corner of the couch; a little closer then 'friends' should probably he sitting.

But Eric was well aware that, even during something like 'The Texas chain Saw Massacre' Butters was scared and couldn't handle these kind of movies. True to form, the blond began to get scared as soon as blood started flying. His head found Eric's shoulder after, and his hands clutched to his red sweater even tighter by the time the movie was half way through. Eric couldn't help himself… it was too adorable.

"Maybe we should go out"

He felt Butters shift head away, in order to look up at Eric with what he could only assume was shock. Eric kept his eyes on the television. The tall teen regretted it. He didn't know WHAT it say; what could he possibly say to go back on admitting something like that? He cursed himself for blurting out such a vulnerable statement…

Butters nodded and whimpered "Um, O-OK"

Eric looked down at the blond- and was clearly a little taken aback by Butters answer. He initially thought that Butter might be agreeing with him because he got the impression Eric was angry at him or something; like he was only saying 'ok' to avoid getting beaten up, but the gentle, hopeful look lingering in his hazel orbs reassured Eric that he understood… he was serious.

Leaning his head down a bit, Eric Nestled his nose into soft blond hair beneath him. Butters buried in closer to the tall teen as he wrapped an arm around him…

When he looked back to the television, Eric saw the movie was gone- and instead, memories of him and Butters were playing on the screen… like some kind of home movie.

Eric sighed as the room flickered around him.

He felt so mad; so agitated and on edge… and he had no clue why.

Eric was standing in the hallways- down at the two teens that stood in front of their lockers. His eyes were sternly focused on the sight of Bradley talking to Butters. But not just talking to Butters… HITTING on butters. His body language, and that snug smirk on his lips were all telltale signs; the blond bashfully against the wall. Butters didn't seem scared, but he was obviously entranced with whatever Bradley was saying.

And Eric wasn't going to stand there and take it.

"Need anything, Dick?" Eric snapped as he reached his locker-choosing to position himself closely behind Butters; his chest almost pressing against the shy teen's back.

The dark blond stared over and across the shorter blond's head at Eric as his cocky smile faded. "With you? ….nothing." Bradley shrugged casually, looking back down to Butters." I will see you next period?" He purred-giving Eric another glance before he continued walking down the rest of the hallway.

"You shouldn't talk to him" Eric growled in a low voice. "He's an asshole, and you fucking can't trust him." He reminded Butters

The blond raised an eye; a curious expression crossing his face as he looked down to the ground. " ….T-That's the same thing Kyle and S-Stan said about…you"

Eric stiffed as he stared into his locker. His hand clutched tighter around the book he was holding, before he sighed and stuffed it into his bag. "Those guys are fucking assholes, too!" He grit out between clenched teeth. Butters took note of this and tried to calm him down. "Let's go." He muttered, gesturing with his head for Butters to follow.

As they began to head down the still crowded hallways, Eric glanced up and saw Bradley standing against his locker-Watching intently as Eric and Butters approached. Clenching his teeth again, Eric grasped the sleeve of Butter's sweater, and tugged him over onto the other side- successfully placing himself between Butters and Eric. As they started to pass him, the tall football player shifted over so he was shoulder to shoulder against the blond. He saw Bradley smirk knowingly, but for butters sake he decides to let it go for now..

"E-Eric thank you" the blond spoke softly he drew Eric's attention back down to Butters; The blond was blushing and looked like he even had a small, sheepish smile on his lips.

Eric couldn't help but smile a little too…

Eric looked around him curiously to see for once-Butters wasn't there. He was standing outside of Kenny's House.

"It's over." He mumbled, taking out a cigarette.

The dirty blond glared at him. "You really ARE a fat asshole!" He sneered, slamming the door. " At least Kyle is a way better friend than you EVER were!"  
>Kenny's last comment was shouted through the door-but it fell on deaf ears. Eric had already begun to make his way back down the driveway away.<p>

It was kind of low move, but hell, what was he supposed to do? He didn't want to keep Kenny; He knew enough to realize that it was Butters that he liked hanging out with. It was Butters he liked talking to, or protecting. And it was Butters that slipped into his mind more often than not…

The next thing Eric knew.. He was walking side by side with Butters suddenly. The sky was dull, overcast and gray… and it was snowing.

Eric moved calmly; his hands stuffed into the pockets of his dark red, pea coat as they continued slowly down the sidewalk toward his house. It was a mundane trek that they made every day.

Butters had a peaceful smile who was moving a few paces in front of Eric-like he didn't have a care in the world. Occasionally, He'd would sometimes look up and watch the large light snowflakes…before switching his tactic, and instead, trying to catch them on his tongue.

He was like a cute little puppy... And it was hard for Eric to keep his eyes off him…

He was so full of life- especially compared to Eric, who just walked in a straight line; simple and dull. But his eyes were constantly glued onto Butter's every move. He couldn't help watching him; he couldn't help the fascinated and entranced him all at once.

He loved him. It was simple as that.

"See you, Red" Eric nodded

Red gave him a bashful smile and nod- before he headed down the hall. Shutting his locker and clicking the lock shut, Eric checked his cell phone, and saw he had a text message from Kenny. Rolling his eyes a bit; he shoved the phone back into his pocket, and hurried toward the front doors. He'd been ignoring Kenny for a while now; He'd kind of hoped the boy would take the HINT that their relationship was fizzling; it was over, and he knew it. Someone else had caught Eric's eye

Heading out the front doors, his brow immediately furrowed when he didn't see the small blond there, waiting for him like he normally did. It began to snow as Eric started to walk- his eyes searching around for the familiar blond; he spotted him heading down the street.

Jogging up toward him, Eric reached out and clasped Butters shoulder, causing the blond to turn with a confused mixed with worry in his deep light blue eyes.

"wh-what the hell? You didn't wait for me" Eric stated simply in his stern, yet annoyed tone voice.

Butters looked away, before he looked down at the ground and continued to walk. "I-I didn't going to –interrupt your time with um Red" the blond looked down sadly.

Eric continued to follow Butters, walking beside the hurt blond.

"Hey babe relax! There's nothing going on with me and that bitch…" He reassured him.

The blond couldn't bring himself to look at Eric. Realizing instantly that Butters feelings were hurt ( or bordering on being hurt)-Eric grasped the shorter teen's arm and stopped him from walking; forcing him to face him.

"Butters?" Eric asked

His large deep baby blue orbs shut tightly as he clenched his fists; he was trying so hard to hold back his tears. "I-I don't LIKE it… wh-when I see you with her" Butters had tears "I-I don't like her, and-and people LIKE her more…I know they-they do… I'm scared" Butters stammered sadly. "I-I'm just so weak… "The blond choked out.

When he felt Eric's hand slip into his own, Butters looked up to the taller football player with teary eyes, but also held a confused expression.

"Ok" Eric said simply

Butters eyes widen" …WH-what?"

"Ok" He repeated. "I won't hang around the bitch anymore" Turning, he began to walk back down the street, still holding Butters hand. "If it fucking bothers you that much… then I won't do it"

The blond started at him, completely shock. "But-but Eric! I'm...Begin unreasonable" He admitted sheepishly, suddenly feeling bad.

"Don't worry about it..." Eric answered calmly; giving the blond teen's hand a gentle squeeze.

He felt Butters speed up a bit so they were walking side-by-side, and he felt the small frame of the blond lean against him as they walked….

Looking beside him, Eric's eyes ran over the memory of Butters

This certainly wasn't getting any easier.

When he open his eyes he sighed annoyed, Eric stuffed his hands into his red coat pockets as he began to walk back around the side of the school. School had just started and he was already sick of it. It didn't take Eric long to realize that high school was no different from elementary school; both were just as shitty, pointless waste of time.

Rounding the corner, he saw other students beginning to file toward the building; namely one in particular- Butters Scotch. Eric's Body relaxed a bit when he saw the blond; feeling a bit more at ease knowing he'd at LEAST get to spend the rest of the day using butters for another one of his schemes… someone who would do whatever he told him to do.

"Hey! Gay boy!" Clyde snapped as he came pushing butters out of the line and making him fall face down in the pavement. A small, loud whimper escaped from his mouth as he scraped his hands onto the ground. Butters looked up to find Clyde, Token, and Craig "P-Please fella's! I already gave you all my money!" He begged with tears running down his face "shut up!" Craig shouted while kicking him in the side while smirking.

In zero seconds flat, Eric was running full speed toward the three bullies- tackling Clyde onto the ground and causing the dark haired teen to yell in a slightly shrill voice. Eric grabbed him by the front of his jacket, and delivered a few solid punches to his cheek. "Listen you fucker! if you so much as touch him! I will kick your sorry ass!" He emphasized, slamming another fist against Clyde face. The teen's nose began to bleed as he groggily let out a string of curses.

"Eric! That's enough! He's had enough …" Butters pulled Eric away from Clyde and his group.

Standing up, Eric wrapped an arm around Butters small shoulders and led him inside. This pained a few stares from some fellow classmates…but their stares disappeared when Eric Cartman shot them all a warning look.

"I'm walking you to school and back home now… "He said matter-of-factly as they moved though the halls; like Butters had no say in the matter.

Eric only felt a small wave of relief, knowing he wouldn't have to justify the new demand as soon as he heard Butters answer: "Um thank you Eric…for saving me"

Eric looked around him; He was sitting outside of the school sitting in the stands as there were tons of other teens scattered around the football field in the distance. Eric sighed as he watched the others play, he was wearing his football gear yet he still felt nervous.

"First day of football …." He said aloud to himself, recognizing their first day of high school and also his first day of foot ball practice. Oddly enough He was appearing younger in his memories as they went to his more youthful memories. Even his friends seem to be getting younger.

His eyes began to wonder, immediately searched for one person in particular….and soon enough, he saw him; soft short blond hair, a short, small framed body and light skin. Butters seemed smaller he looked about 13; He was talking to Kenny, Kyle and Stan. "I remember catching sight of you in the distance… I could only see the back of your head, but I knew it was you immediately." He continued to himself. "I wanted to speak to you, but I couldn't bring myself to be nice to you in front of Kenny, and I was hoping to avoid him… I never did like him" 

Eric sighed as looked back to the football field, and then he hears light footsteps coming toward him.

"H-Heya Eric!" Butters greeted shyly.

He was suddenly sitting right beside Eric; like his memory had just skipped a beat

Butters looking around at the foot ball field from the stands they were perched on " I-I saw you sitting here… and-and thought you would like somebody to talk to" Butters smiled then noticed something "why-why aren't you out on the field? I-I thought you loved football…"

Another reason Eric liked Butters. The blond always seemed to find a way to be happy.

"I do, I'm just …don't feel like it" Eric admitted

The blond looked at him worried but smiled "Eric, your-you're the strongest guy I know…I believe you can do anything, don't do it for me, do it for yourself" Butters spoke softly, Eric smirked as he chuckled " I am the strongest on the team … thanks Butters"

He noticed the blond was staring at a small bag of honey Nut cheerios that he'd brought from home after skipping breakfast. It was only about 10am, so he'd been sitting on in the stands, occasionally nibbling on them while keeping out of sight. "C-can I …um have one?" Butters asked shly, nibbling on his lower lip as his small hand reached and plucked the bag from Eric's lap…

Eric watched, shaking his head. "… and then you just Took it." He narrated. "Without even letting me fucking answer" As he watched Butters began to eat on small cheerios cutely, he smiled and chuckled. "It was so intimate" The tall chestnut teen recalled gently as his eyes ran over Butter's features. "…like we were already a couple"

"You skipped breakfast again?" Eric asked annoyed

Butters blushed hard, stopping his cheerio intake as he look embarrassed " um..y-yeah" He replied softly yet scared. "I-I was in a hurry ... can't be late on the first day, um does it really show?" He stammered, Eric just chuckled "yeah it does…"

Butters was about to say something but shivered at the cold breeze, he was in such hurry he forgot about his long sweater "It's k-kinda chilly out here"

Flicking his eyes down to look at Butters out of the corner of his eye-he gradually lifted his arm and wrapped it around Butters shoulders. The blond seemed a bit surprised at the action, but didn't hesitate to nestle down into the warmth Eric's body was soon proving. "Thank-Thank you Eric" Butters sighed sweetly; small hands clutched the Eric's Football shirt as he began hold him close.

"I remember being drawn to you, even then …" Eric mumbled to himself. "I didn't want to admitted it….I tried to make it seem like I didn't care; we were just friends but.. Fuck I knew exactly what I was doing. And I could get less of a fuck that I was dating Kenny" He remembered "I liked protecting you and holding you-and any fucking opportunity I got, I took"

Looking back down at his side, he saw the memory of Butters staring up at him with his gentle, large, Blue eyes " this-this is it, Eric" The memory told him " It-it's almost over.."  
>" I know" Eric whispered back to him sadly as he looked at the orientation happening further off.<p>

Butters bit his lower lip, clutching himself closer beneath Eric's arm. "w-what do we do?" He asked scared.

Eric looked back down at Butters sadly; recalling the words that a previous memory had already suggested:

"Enjoy it…" he admitted with a slight shrug, as his nose and lips gently nestled against Butters smooth forehead.

The kids were enjoying some cake and snacks in Stan Marsh's Backyard. Randy had decided to invite all the parents and kids from his son's graduating eighth grade elementary class to a party at their place. The boys would be going to high school in September.

It was a warm early August evening- and this was one of the last gatherings of the summer. Eric only reason for coming was because of cake and gifts that he could steal, that and his mom promise she would buy him some KFC.

So he'd come-and was rather successful in spending most of that alone, off to the side. "Oh boy!" The familiar voice brought Eric out of his bored thoughts, and his eyes lifted to fall on Butters scotch approaching him. The barest, hint of a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips, but it didn't last long

"Eric!" Butters exclaimed in relief as he walked up to him. "Y-you made it! I'm so happy!" The blond was blushing, but in all fairness, looking kind of relieved, and even happy to see Butters.

Maybe this dumb ass party wouldn't be so bad.

Before he could open his mouth to try and convince Butters to skip out with him somewhere, another voice spoke up. "There you are Cartman! …I need to ask you something"

Turning, the chestnut teen and the blond came face to face with Kenny- who had suddenly joined them. " I-I should go…" Butters offered sadly.

"No, it's okay. You should be the first to know..." Kenny mumbled, not even bothering to look at Butters. I t was actually making Eric a bit uncomfortable; he had a sinking feeling turning in his stomach. " Eric …will…" Kenny stopped himself, letting out a sigh. "Will you go out with me" He asked hopefully.

Eric froze. He was completely off guard, and couldn't believe Kenny had just asked him out… in front of Butters! He was so confused. Nonetheless, glancing quickly over the small blond, he saw the blond teen's mouth was hanging open in complete shock. He didn't even make any moments

The smirk on Kenny's face only got bigger. Eric lowered his eyes, suddenly feeling completely angry with himself for saying yes. They were best friends, but had no interest in dating the dumb ass dirty blond. Eric blamed Kyle and Stan; those two homos decided to start dating over the summer, and as a result 'best friends' in South Park suddenly began to realize they had feelings for one another.

Kenny just got on the wagon apparently.

"Great" He blushed, slipping his hand into Eric's. "Come on lets ditch!" Kenny grinned, tugging the chestnut teen with him.

Eric followed but was unable to pass Butters without looking at him again. He looked so sad; kind of confused and disappointed… it broke his heart. He saw the other partygoers flicker in and out of focus, before the memory completely shattered out of his mind…

"Happy fourteenth birthday!" Everyone clapped.

Eric sat uncomfortably on his living room floor, with his friends scattered around in random places. He was currently making his way through some presents. Not everyone was watching, thank god. Some of his friends were interesting in talking, or food-which actually allowed Eric to get through faster.

He loved parties if they were for him as he grew older it got old for him but his mother had insisted he have one to socialize a bit more.

When Eric picked up one particular, neatly wrapped with blue shinning paper with a red bow. Looking up, his cold eyes landed on a, flushing Butters Scotch "T-That's um from me" He said trying to hide his red face.

Eric paused for only a second, before he opened the present and saw it was a golden locket; inside, there was a photo of him and Butters when they were in kindergarten. The photo originally had a few of their friends in it as well... but apparently, Butters had edited them out, and simply zoomed in on him and Eric, who were standing side by side at the time.

"Lame!" He heard Kenny giggled from beside him. Butters looked down sadly feeling useless "It's not your fault, Butters... But no one else is going to come close to getting him as awesome as A present as I did" He patted Eric on the back in a friendly gesture. "I got him a new game sphere game" Kenny spoke proudly. Eric just rolled his eyes "fuck off Kenny"

Setting the game aside calmly, Eric just returned to opening his other presents…

As he continued to watch this memory unfold (this time, as an outside observer) - he felt his heart going out to the young blond. He still had that picture. We 'HAD' begin the operative, since he'd tossed it out with all his other mementos that reminded him of Butters when he'd begun this stupid ass procedure.

The party continued on, and many of his friends moved onto videogames, more food or talking. Eric however slipped over to his stairwell where he saw Butters sitting alone. He had been crying, grabbing his arm, he hoisted the blond up the stairs and out of sight.

"E-Eric! I am really, so sorry! "Butters tried to say "I-I spent all my money and I-I couldn't afford anything else, and-and the last time I was in your room, you-you didn't have any pictures…so I thought, oh! I was so dumb!" He sniffed as he continued to ramble, but was silenced as the door shut behind them.

As the room fell into a brief silence, Butters watch as Eric looked around his with a careful, scrutinizing gaze. "Where should we put it?" He asked raising an eye.

Butters pushed away his tear as he blinked "WH-what did you say?" He asked with a confused expression.

Eric looked back over to him. "Your locket fag!" He clarified with an evil smirk. " .. Where should we put it?"

He watched Butters large eyes shift down to his hands; Eric had holding the golden locket when they'd come upstairs, and the blond had been too shy to notice. Eric couldn't hold back a smile fondly as he saw Butters smile softly as his cheeks turn pink.

The room is dark with the only light was the moon shining in through Butters window Eric was much younger in this one about 9 years old, he was even at an early age he was still taking pictures of butters while having him do dirty things in his sleep.

Eric sighed as he watched, not able to stop himself from doing the dumb child act, his younger self pulled butters pants down and brought his dick into his mouth, my god he wouldn't miss this one either.

He pulled out the camera and took the picture with him giving a thumps up while smirking with the dick in his mouth, He heard Butters release a deep breath like he was having a wet dream; this caused Eric to look up but was calm when he saw that Butters was in a deep sleep. After getting his picture, he laid back in the bed pulling the silk sheets over him But Eric found himself wide-awake… Enjoying the comforting scent wafting up from Butters soft hair without knowing butters had snuggled up to him

It was a bittersweet moment… this would be the last time Eric would ever hold Butters so close; so intimately. This was their first experience with one another- demonstrating trust and heightened comfort level that was only given between them.

"Butters" Eric whispered, closing his eyes as he wrapped his arms around the small blond and he squeezed him close. "I don't want to lose you…"

Looking up- Eric heard the knocks at his door and saw Butters timidly enter his room. It was nighttime now; he'd been pacing around like some kind of caged animal.

Eric looked away not showing his tears "what the fuck do you want fag.." he spoke heart broken

The blond shrunk back a bit. "I-I um…heard what happen-happened "He stammered as looked worried for his friend, looking to the big boned boy walking in the dark. "Your-your mom phoned my-my mom"

Eric snarled and continued to pace around his room in an agitated fashion, He finally stopped and glared at the scared small blond "and why did you come because you think their's also something wrong with me?" He snapped.

Butters shook his head as he stared up at him "N-NO! Of course not-not! I came here because I'm your best friend…"

"Get lost, you FREAK!" He yelled angrily- sending a deadly stare in butters direction. Eric certainly wasn't in the mood; His childhood friend, Clyde frog was killed just a couple of days ago, everyone was scared because of how it happened … but what happened still hung over Eric's head.

His relationship with Clyde frog was a great one, Clyde frog was the last bit of childhood he had, he was always there when he needed someone to tell him he was cool or awesome; he was the best friend anyone could ask for.

"Hey Eric…" Butters said gently, taking a small step forward "It's okay to be sad… it's okay to cry" He admitted.

The chestnut haired Boy, whipped around to glare at the blond. "Piss. Off .fag." He said, separating each word with a pointed, sharp tone. But Butters didn't listen this time. Instead, he took another step and gently touched Eric's arm.

Not wanting to show ANY kind of weakness (in front of anyone), the tall, chestnut-haired boy roughly shoved Butters back, causing the blond to smack against the door with a whimper.

He didn't want to cry in front of Butters, He couldn't. Only faggots and Pussies cried when they lost their childhood toy.

And Eric Cartman was anything BUT a pussy.

Keeping his back to butters, Eric looked out his window- feeling the tears beginning to steak down his cheeks. He took in angry, broken breath and grits his teeth together. He would hold himself together; he HAD to... At least… that was the master plan.

It was so strange, Normally, Eric would be the one to hold Butters in such a position… but their roles were reversed. Now, Eric was the one in need of comfort, in need of strength… and of ALL people-it was Butters Scotch who was there to give it to him. Not wanting the blond to ACTUALLY see him crying, Eric kept his face buried into his arms, which rested on his bent knees.

Butters held onto him, and rested his head on the curve of Eric's back-simply letting Eric know he was there, and content to hold until he was finished letting out years of pent up anger, resentment and disappointment with the friend he lost …

After hours of Crying, Butters pulled back and smiled " I-I know it's early but…" he spoke softly and reach into his backpack and pulled out a big soft bear with fluffy fur with dark deep eyes " I was at the-the store and I found him… He reminded me of you"

Eric was about to say how gay looking it was but he took the small bear into his large hands looking it over, and he even smiled "He's is kinda cute…." Eric still had tears but it was weird it almost felt like he had Clyde frog right in his hands "I-I was thinking we named him Clyde Frog JR…endless you don't like it"

"I like it…and-and" Eric sniffed and hugged Butters crying

"This… was when I knew…" Eric muttered to himself, knowing the memory had already begun to flicker. "This was the moment I knew I loved you... I knew I needed you, just as much as you needed me" He whispered.

Eric stared at his young; self in kindergarten on the playground-it was his only his third day, but he had not made that many friends, it left him feeling down.

Not that much was there to play with, so he decided to take the swing, that's when he heard it or someone, He looked around him but didn't see anything but then he spotted a puff ball of blond hair, it was a small boy sitting at the fairest end of the swing, Eric rolled his eyes at the sight but the crying and sniffing for some reason seem to get to him.

He sighed and got off the swing he was sitting on and walked to the small blond cry baby"hey Blondie, Why are you crying?" He asked as he walked in front of him. The blond looked up with tears and sniffed "its n-nothing, it's…just I can't make any friends….. n-no one likes me" He was about to burst new tears, when the big boned boy sighed "okay! For god sakes! Stop the water works! Geez..look if-if it makes you feel better, I h-haven't made any friends either…"Eric made face as he crossed his arms feeling down again.

Butters sucked his thumb looking like he was thinking but then smiles "um.. Hey you wanna-wanna be friends?" Eric sent a glare his way " I guess I got nothing to lose…what's your name?"

"Oh um….my name is Leopold butters Scotch" He smiled lightly as looked down shyly

Eric couldn't help but laugh "you fucking kidding?! That's so fucking stupid! I think I would prefer Butters..." Eric smirked at him, Butters faced turned bright red "I-I would like that, so what's your name?"

Eric stood tall trying to make him look proud "Eric, Eric Cartman! Everyone calls me Cartman" Butters giggled cutely, Eric just glared "what's so funny asshole?!" He snapped, Butters looked scared "I Um would like Eric better…"

"Tsk, shut up butters…" He rolled his eyes but the two laughed out loud.

This was the last one….

Looking beside him, Eric's eyes longingly trailed over the memory of his blond, seventeen year-old boyfriend who stood beside him…also, watching the whole thing.

Soon, the sound of laughter of the younger two was silenced; the memory muted as it began to crumble and erase.

His last memory of Butters.

"I wish I hadn't erased you…" Butters began. " … I wish… you hadn't erased me.." The blond projection lamented.

Eric sighed, "I wish I hadn't, too…" He agreed. "NOW I wish I hadn't "The tall teen began to anxiously in the fading memory. " I wish I hadn't done a lot of things. I wish…" Pausing, he tried to swallow the lump in his throat down as he looked back up into butters eyes and nodded. "I wish I Hadn't erased you. I do"

"I…I still don't … understand why … It didn't w-work." The blond continued sadly- it was cruel that his own was taunting him with this interactive projection of Butters.

He ran a soft hand through his long, brown hair. "I don't know. I felt like a scared little kid, I was like… It was about my head. I was like … It was above my head. I don't know" Eric trailed off.

"You...you were scared?"

Eric looked up, but butters was gone… only his voice and spiritual presence remained the flickering, empty playground of his memory. "Yeah" He scoffed, keeping his eyes on the ground " I thought you knew that about me…" He muttered beneath his breath.

"E-Eric?"

The voice sounded closer again- and when turned, he turned, he saw Butters standing in front of him. The environment around them blurry and shifting out of focus; "Come back and …make up a g-goodbye, at least." The blond encouraged. "L-Let's pretend…. We had one" He begged sadly.

Eric stared at him with such hurt, such longing. Slowly, he closed the distance between them-falling onto his knees ring into front of Butters projection; wrapping his arms around the small teen's waist. He sighed as he felt gentle hands threading comfortingly into his hair, before Butters too, got into his knees and knelt before Eric.

"G-good bye-Bye Eric… th-thank you so much …"

He closed his eyes and the tears welling in his own fire chocolate eyes to fall for last time. " … I love you" Eric whispered, clutching to Butters even tighter as he knelt before him.

Butters hugged him back; the two stayed kneeling, clutching to one another as everything around them in Eric's mind dissolve to nothing…

Eric opened his eyes.

Immediately noticing the time on the clock, he groaned and reluctantly slid out of bed. Yawning, The tall Chestnut haired teen slipped on his dark baggy jeans, a red t-shirt, his red jacket and his yellow and blue hat-before he grabbed his knapsack and slung it over his shoulder on his way out of his room.

Treading down the stairs, he saw his mother happily making breakfast. He groaned and rolled his eyes and decided to just skipped breakfast.

"Are you hungry, Eric? " His mother asked sweetly.

Her teenage son tugged at his jacket, successfully pushing more hair in front of his eyes. "No thanks" He grumbled "woke up with a headache"  
>" Aw poor baby! You wanna stay in!" she asked, turning to look at him with some concern. "Are you alright to go to school?" she asked.<p>

Eric nodded, downing some OJ before grabbing a muffin. "Whatever..." He shrugged dully. "I'll see you later"

Heading back through the living room, Eric left his warm house and emerged into the bitter bold, early-morning south park air to catch the bus. Normally, Eric would have jumped at the chance to stay home from school … especially if his mother was offering to LET him. But for some reason, Eric had a sinking feeling that staying 'home' wouldn't make him feel any better.

He couldn't explain it.

He felt less energetic today; more lethargic and anti-social than he had in a while. When he reached the bus stop, Eric began to play with IPod, letting the music take over ignoring anyone near him, even the small tiny framed blond who was standing further off. He glanced at him briefly, to see the teen was smiling at nothing while holding the hello kitty umbrella.

'What a fucking faggot…' Eric's mind grumbled inside his head. He wasn't in the mood to pick on others today.

Damn, He should have stayed him and nursed this headache away.

As music began to flood his earphones, the tall foot ball player couldn't help but notice the blond was now talking with Stan and Kyle.

God, he hated those dickweeds.

Why was he friends with them?

But that just meant that the gay blond was FRIENDS with them, which , by default , made him fag dickweed as well.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Eric yawned just as the bus arrived. He pushed kyle out of the way and got on first and sat in the very back ignoring Kyle complaining. Turns out, the blond was the last one on and, the bust was fuller than usual today; it was cold out, so most students had decided to get a free ride.

The blond looked at were Eric sat.

"Aw fuck" Eric mumbled unhappily to himself.

Eric seat was the only seat left open and the blond headed over to the vacant seat.

Plopping down in it, Eric tried to sit as far away as possible from the blond teen beside him- Eric just let out another irritated sigh as said-blond began humming some dumb song.

Turning up the music on his IPod, Eric drowned out his voice and went back to just catching some sleep.

He probably should have just stayed home today…


	5. Ch 5 we meet again

Eric felt awful the whole day; he didn't feel himself, and as crazy as it sounded-it almost seemed like he was missing something. But what, he didn't have a clue. To be honest, he was having trouble remembering the past few days; they all seemed to blur together in one, non-descriptive event. Despite his concern for his lack of a cohesive memory, the tall football player walked it up to boredom.

The town was fucked anyway; why bother paying attention?

However, he couldn't help but notice the shy scared blond he'd seen at the bus stop was turning up everywhere he went. Eric didn't know HOW the fuck he could have ever missed the annoying blond before; but he didn't recognize him. He was a hard kid to forget… and his singing and laughing were even more difficult to ignore. Unfortunately, Eric found that out the hard way. The blond was sitting beside him in a few classes… so what the hell!

The small teen seemed just as confused and misplaced by Eric's angry presence beside him. Why were no other seats ever available? And why didn't he REMEMBER this kid if he sat beside him? Was he so bored that he didn't even notice this kid!?

It was a relief to finally get out if school and away from that annoying fag.

When he returned home, He ate dinner with his mom as quickly as possible, before he retreated to his room to be alone. This whole day had been a weird, out of body experience.

Lying down on his bed, Eric propped his arms behind his head as he tried to relax; his weary eyes drooping closed maybe he could just sleep this whole day off. He didn't know why he felt so angry… so cold... so empty….

He found himself endlessly walking down the white halls of a empty hall way

Eric kept turning corners... Walking down corridors... but he never arrived anywhere. Oddly enough, the place seemed to be just an endless series of twists, turns hallways with no doors. He began to feel like a rat in a maze; it was so god damn annoying. The chestnut haired teen quickly found himself becoming more and more agitated with each passing moment...

That is, until he turned a corner, and saw someone standing at the other end. It was that small blond teen he's been seeing everywhere. While he figured his initial reaction would be disgust... He found himself smiling….

Surprisingly, the blond smiled back at him.

His dream seemed to flicker, and in the next second, Eric found himself moving quickly down the hall toward that odd small little blond. The blond, in turn, was moving just as quickly toward him. When they one another, Eric by his own free will embraced the blond and held him close; the smaller teen jumped a bit-wrapping his legs around Eric's waist as they clutched to one another.

For some reason... He felt… relief. He felt happy, complete, whole again. He felt better in this dream than he had all day. He felt the blond ease away from him a bit-and their eyes met. Eric held him protectively; he cradled the blond in his arms, savoring the feeling of his legs and arms draped around his neck and waist.

Leaning in, the small, sweet blond nestled their noses together, and Eric couldn't help but release a slow, deep breath…

Their eyes drifted up to meet once more, and they leaned into one another; he could feel the blond's warm breath on his lips as he sighed. But something happened… the blond was suddenly pulled away and began to fade away "Eric…remember me"

Eric bolted out of his sleep instantly; his eyes were panicked, his breathing was shallow, and small beads of sweat were dripping down the side the of his face as he gasped for air

… what the fuck was that?

Getting out of bed, he quickly disappeared down the hall and into the bathroom. Turning the tap on cold-he splashed water on his face a couple of times, before drying off and heading back to his room. Seriously- what the hell was that about? Was he going to start dreaming about every cry baby that ruined his day?

No, it was just a coincidence; that was all. It meant nothing. He'd had such a weird day, and that was just a result of it…

The bell rang as the blond walked out of his classroom and up to his raven haired friend Stan.

"Um... hey St-Stan can I talk to ya? " Butters asked his friend

The black haired teen shrugged, closing his locker. "Sure, what's up?" He asked, leaning back against the row casually.

" U-Uh…. I'm …been having strange dreams," The blond admitted sheepishly while looking down at his blue sneakers. "You see… there's this guy, he's kinda mean to me who's in all my classes and … I-I can't stop thinking about him" HE rambled quickly. "I-I don't know what to do…I mean I don't even know him!"  
>Stan quirked a brow, "Calm down!" He sighed. "I'm sure it's just coincidence"<p>

"I-I thought that too... But Wh-what if it's not?" Butters stammered scared. "Ive been feeling so weird… my heart beats so fast …and not from me begin scared" He corrected with a small blush. " I-I just don't understand…"

The raven haired teen couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "Okay, calm down butters" He smiled. "Point this guy out to me." He suggested. "Being the super nice guy I am, I pretty much know everyone"

Butters smiles sweetly "th-thanks Stan" he spoke softly thanking his friend.

The two began to walk toward the cafeteria together. The small blond was really hoping that he'd be able to clear these odd feelings up. He hadn't been feeling like his happy self for the past few weeks… and he had no clue why! Butters was used to begin on his own and not having his friends be around-but this was another feeling entirely. He felt empty...like he was missing something or had lost something.

It wasn't a good feeling to say the least.

When the pair reached the cafeteria, they stopped near the door. "Alright, Butters do you see him?" Stan asked impatiently.

Butters deep blue eyes searched and looked around; both hands hung at his side as they caught sight of the boy he'd recently been dreaming about. " T-that's him!" Butters his eyes widen as he spoke out , pointing him out to Stan.

While he was a stranger to Butters, Stan immediately recognized him- Eric Cartman. He was sitting at one of the tables in the cafeteria with Kenny McCormick, yelling and looking rather pissed off as usual.

" Uh…" Stan cleared his throat awkwardly. " That's …he's not… really someone I'd put you with, Butters" He began sadly. "Just drop it.."

The blond looked at Stan confused, as his friend began to pull him away from the cafeteria and back into the halls. " B-but…Stan do you know him?"

"Yeah" Stan answered quickly. " and that's why I think you should keep away from that Asshole. His name is Eric but we call him Cartman; He's a real asshole, no one likes him! He's very hateful against Jews … I don't know how we do it, but we just hang out with him once and while me, Kyle and Kenny" He mumbled.

Butters tilted his head" … b-but if you hang out with him… how-how come I've never met him?" He asked curiously, as a blush settled on his cheeks.

Stan cursed himself for opening his big mouth. They'd gotten telegrams from the unknown company. When Butters had gone under and erased Eric from his mind. It had been KENNY'S fault that Eric saw said-telegram, and thus, also went under the procedure to erase Butters. While he had to explain why Butters had never met Eric before? Or Vice versa? Especially when they were all friends.

"Uh…" Stan coughed a bit; clearly uncomfortable he wasn't the best liar. " like I said, we don't really hang out with him… "Butters nodded and seemed to accept the answer as they continued to walk back to their lockers. " Trust me… If you're having dreams about this fatass, it's just a coincidence that he's there" Stan said, trying to play it off.

But as always, his curious nature got the better of him. He glanced back at Butters, " If you don't mind me asking … what …KIND of dreams are they?"

Butters flushed a deep red, and rubbed his knuckles as they walked.

"you-you starting to sound like Kenny… and um I-I don't want to say" The small blond admitted sadly.

Romantic. Stan already knew the answer; Butters didn't need to say it.

He wondered if this was some kind of side effect; if all patients who went under the lacuna procedure experienced 'dreams' about the other.

When the lunch period was over, Kenny found himself in class with Eric. He plopped down beside him, and gave the tall football player a cheeky grin. "How's it going fat ass" Eric didn't answer; just gave him the evil eye then turned away." You're in a good mood…. To get to my point! Stan, Kyle and I are gonna get high after school. Wanna come?" He asked

Eric just shrugged "whatever"

"Hey.. What's up with you?" Kenny pressed. "You been acting well … not like your asshole self since yesterday"

Eric snapped a death glare at Kenny, but still didn't answer. Maybe it would do him some good to hang out with others and take his mind off that … annoying blond.

When their class was over, they met at their lockers. The teens took their time gathering their stuff and debating on what they wanted to do first. By the time they actually LEFT the high school, almost everyone else had gone.

"Oh, Kyle do you mind stopping by KFC "Kenny asked cheekily. " I feel like picking up some chicken….especially if we're gonna be stoned all night"

His red haired curly Jew friend furrowed his brow. "Uh…sure?" He agreed.

As they were across the parking lot, Kyle tugged Kenny's arm-hanging back behind Eric , as they walked " What the fuck, man?" Kyle grumbled. "you know we're not supposed to encourage any interaction between Eric and Butters, those telegrams said so" He warned him

"Relax; I just wanna see something…" Kenny responded, rolling his eyes. Stan raised an eye, thinking about the idea "I kinda would like to see this too, Butters told me he's having dreams about Eric... Through... He doesn't KNOW its Eric. He just pointed him out to me in the cafeteria today"

Kyle and Kenny looked at Stan. "Really? He's having dreams about him?"

"Yeah" Stan nodded and Kenny smirked. "All the more reason, we slip into KFC and grab some food… we can check out Eric's reactions to seeing Butters. Maybe he's having dreams about him, too" He suggested with a slight shrug.

His best friend shook his head, "this is a mistake." He sighed. "Just stay out of it. They erased each other for a reason. Maybe it's better this way"

"I guess" Kenny sighed. Perhaps he just wished things were the way they used to be. Sure, he dated Eric at one point... And yes, following that 'point'-he'd also briefly hated Eric. But Kenny had also seen how happy and perfect Eric and Butters fit together; it was sad that it had come down to erasing one another.

Slipping into the car, the foursome drove down Main Street, and pulled up to park in front of KFC. "Do I have time to smoke?" Eric mumbled, already pulling out a cigarette before hearing the answer.

" Yeah" Kenny nodded, slipping inside with inside with Stan and Kyle.

Eric fumbled into the pocket of his jacket until he found a lighter. Sparking aflame, he lit the cancer stick dangling from his lips, and inhaled the familiar smoke into his lungs. Leaning against a neighboring telephone pole outside the KFC, Eric furrowed his brow as he looked around; he had been to this place before. This is the place he worked every week.

Drawing his fire eyes upward, he looked through the window as he smoked-watching Kenny, Stan and Kyle ordering their food. But a flash of bright, straight blond hair caught his attention. Focusing his gaze past his friends, he saw that small blond he'd been seeing everywhere… the blue eyed blond who'd shown up in his dreams. A blush threatened to creep onto his cheeks just thinking about the intimate dream he'd had the other night.

This guy worked at the KFC? The same place he did….

Watching the way he spoke to Kyle and Stan, Eric got the impression they on somewhat on friendly terms with the unique, blond teen. Eric lifted the cigarette to his lips again as he realized something stirring inside him: He didn't want to stop looking at the blond... the small annoying blond entranced him. So much so, in fact, that he found himself flicking away his cigarette and heading inside.

" uh …hey Eric" Stan mumbled awkwardly; clearly shocked he'd decided to venture inside.

But Eric ignored him in favor of staring at the blond stoically-who upon seeing him- had begun to blush fully. It was kind of...Cute

'Nothing and no one is cute, Cartman. Focus' He ordered himself.

"What's good?" He asked in his normal, dull voice.

Butters looked around, still blushing and looking scared. "Um.. I guess it depends on …. What you're in the mood for?" He answered shyly.

" Just give me something that will taste good" Eric growled annoyed.

The blond nodded quickly and began to start walking around to make his order. The word popped into Eric's head again: Cute. He glanced briefly toward his friends, who seemed to be watching with keen interest. What the hell? Why were they acting so tense? Sure, he was an asshole… and yeah normally he bullied weak annoying teens like the blond behind the counter. But this was a rare time where his intentions actually WEREN'T to fuck someone over.

When Butters came back to the counter, he set the greasy bag full of fired BBQ hot chicken, picking it up, the Tall football player inspected it slightly, before pulling out one of them and taking a bit and swallow the hot mouth burning chicken. To his surprise... it was actually good.

"What is this shit?" He asked.

Butters rubbed his knuckles "Um... J-just some chicken… I put some time in it just for you..." Butters explained with a sweet smile. "Its eight dollars" The blond spoke softly.

Reaching into his pocket, Eric dumped the money on the counter and spared the blond one last glance- before he headed out of KFC. Without another word. His so called friends followed after, and they all piled back into the car.

As he sat in the back seat, Eric stared at the to-go bag of hot chicken and took another deep breath of the smell of chicken. There was something about the flavor…. The scent… the warmth of this chicken, and the precise of hot sauce that the blond had included- that triggered something in him. That blond's cooking … was so familiar, but there was no explanation as to why. He had never eaten from the annoying blond's cooking or even brought anything from him before; he'd remember something like that, right?

"You know that fag?" He gruffly asked, flicking his eyes to Kenny-who was sitting in the front seat.

The dirty blond looked back to him. "Uh… yeah. His name is Butters Scotch"  
>"Butters Scotch" He repeated in disbelief. "You're fucking with me?! That's his name! "Eric pressed.<p>

Kenny pouted, "It is. His parents are just well crazy." He shrugged. "He's a real cry baby, can't even do anything on his own… He's a bit of a faggot, nice kid through and well does whatever you say"

Silence filled the car for a few blocks, before Eric spoke again,

"Well then why the fuck haven't I met him before if you're friends?" Eric asked; there was an edge of his voice… almost like he was annoyed, and a bit suspicious that Kenny had never mentioned Butters before. Kyle glared at Kenny who was trying to come up with something to say.

The dirty blond quickly stole a glance at Stan-who looked back to Kenny tensely. "Well… I don't think you would get along with him" Kenny lied, shaking his head "you would probably go crazy by listening to butters all day..." He downplayed "you should just, stay away from him" Kenny frowned when he noticed Kyle was giving him a 'seriously?' Kind of glare; true, he probably didn't need to say that LAST phrase. But Kenny may have been wise but didn't always think things through.

Eric, on the other hand, had indeed noticed the misplaced statement, and while he thought it was weird, he didn't say anything. Stay away from him? What the fuck did that mean? Figuring he would probably do better just keeping his mouth shut-Eric continued to eat his chicken he'd gotten… while his mind drifted back to that weird blond. He kept repeating it in his mind: That wasn't cute, that kid is just fucking annoying… that wasn't cute… it wasn't

There was absolutely NOTHING appealing about a small, weak, crybaby, skinny, blond teen that was so gullible that he does anything to help.

Eric opened his eyes, and was met with a sea of white blankest; they were blowing around like some kind of living, breathing fort. He was in a bed that much was clear... but the bed and blankets seemed endless. It wasn't dark; the atmosphere was safe and warm with the flowing white sheets surrounding him, masking the natural light that seemed to leak in from all sides.

He felt happy again.

Crawling through the mass of pillowing white sheets, Eric Jumped when bumped into another person. It was the blond. Butters Scotch.

They stared at each other in shock for only a few seconds… before smiles grew on their lips. Butters giggled as Butters pounced on Eric-actually causing the tall football player to chuckle as he rolled over, trapping the small famed, blushing blond beneath him as their arms wrapped around each other.

As they settled, Eric's eyes drifted over Butters face gently…. Admiring his large, cheerful blue eyes… his soft pale skin... His slender neck…. The way his soft haired framed his face…

"Eric…." He whispered lightly.

The tall foot ball player couldn't help but smile and release a long breath; for some reason, the way Butters spoke his name tugged at his heart more than it should have. Craning his neck down, he nestled his nose against Butters. "Yes butters…?"

Butters? He spoke it as if it were his most favorite word

"D-don't ever leave me… please" Butters whispered against his mouth; lips brushing against Eric's with each word spoken.

Eric stared down at him sadly-before he leaned in, nuzzling the small blond's nose with his own. Eric closed his eyes and parted his lips; feeling slight warmth as his mouth. He gazed one more over the small body laying below him.

He pressed them together; ready to embrace the kiss he'd wanted so badly…

Sitting up in bed, Eric took in a number of deep as his eyes shit around wildly in a panic. There was darkness around him now; he was in his room, in his own bed, and it was late as fucking hell. Three in the morning to be exact.

Groaning, he flopped back down onto his bed.

This has to stop.

Seriously… what the fuck?  
>The last thing as he needed was another week of endless dreaming of this blond. Eric wasn't a master of controlling his emotions.<p>

This was getting ridicules

AS the days went on- the dreams continued… and now, he found himself sitting in class, or in the cafeteria, willingly staring at ( watching closely) Butters Scotch. Why now? He had no clue. Why he couldn't EVER see this 'unique' kid before? He had no clue. Why was he suddenly noticing how large Butters eyes were, or how long his blond hair fell around his forehead , or how delicate his small famed looked? He had no clue.

It was driving Eric insane, So much so, that he did something drastic.

He sought out the small blond-despite Kenny's initial statement a few days prior that they 'wouldn't get along' and he should just 'stay away from him. '

"Hey Blondie!" Eric called, and not at all like a greeting.

His presence startled the blond- who was enroot to his class-he turned, his legs starting to shake while trying to hide his face as he shyly looked at the tall Eric Cartman.

"It's Butters, right?" Eric clarified. He was well aware that it was.

The shorter teen nodded, but blinked at him "Um well … yes? C-Can I help you?" He answered as a blush already began to creep onto his cheeks. For a moment, they both just stood there, staring at another oddly.

"Were going to have lunch together!" Eric found himself blurting out. It wasn't really a question; more like a demand by the tone of his sharp voice. "Today"  
>The blond gaped up at him in complete and utter shock; his mouth happing open a bit. "Um…really?" Butters asked confused as he tilted his head, "why-why do you want to eat lunch with me?" He asked raising an eye, clutching his books close to him.<p>

"Calm down you faggot!" Eric hissed uncomfortably as he looked around them. People were starting to give them weird looks. " It's just fucking lunch" He growled. " Just come find my table and SIT there. That's it" Eric instructed.

Butters looked back to him sheepishly; his large eyes still glossy with unfallen tears as he silently agreed. For some reason, Eric felt a familiar tug his heart… he was torn between being completely embarrassed by the blond's annoying talking … and wanting to wrap his arms around him, and comfort him.

… why the hell was THAT the second option? WHY would something like that even cross his mind as a possibility?

Flicking his cold eyes back down to Butters, Eric felt the tiniest bit of heat rise in his cheeks, before he stormed off down the hall and left the blond alone again.

This was too weird. He didn't feel like himself at ALL. But maybe having lunch with this annoying fag kid would help; maybe there was a reason he'd been feeling off for the past two weeks. Maybe he could finally get down to the bottom of this whole thing. Eric Just wanted this whole thing to end… just things to go back to the way they were where he didn't care about anyone or anything, and he wasn't played by strange, semi sexual and HIGHLY intimate dreams that involved the small framed boy he didn't even know…

Lunch was an awkward affair. Butters and Eric didn't really talk... They just sat there, eating in silence. The tall chestnut haired boy couldn't help but notice that the blond just drank some milk and nibbled on a small bag of honey nut cheerios; it wasn't really a substantial lunch. Butters just smiled and giggled as which caused Eric to look up at him-but still, they didn't really speak.

"Oh, hey butters...fatass" The voice of Kyle Broflovski greeted

The blond looked up at his red haired friend and gave a warm hearted smile- while Eric simply shifted his eyes to him with a slight glare with him mouthing words 'fuck off Jew'.

"You guys are….sitting together?" Stan interrupted oddly, looking between Butters and Eric. "But I thought-"But Kyle quickly hit him upside the head, glaring at him. Stan furrowed his brow, "What?" he whined, pouting a bit.

Kyle grabbed his arm, and began to drag him away from the table. "See you guys later!" Kyle grumbled unhappily, pulling Stan along with him.

Eric and Butters watched them go, both more confused now than they were before.

"Those guys are assholes." The football player muttered unhappily.

Butters frowned and looked at him as he continued to pick his cheerios. "there-there not bad…He defended shyly. " I-I just don't like Clyde that's all…"

"Yeah well, he's a dick…" Eric commented-flicking his eyes to Butters. " you shouldn't hang out with them…"

The blond raised an eye and looked at Eric suspiciously. " I..I don't know you we-well enough to trust t-to trust you" He replied a bit scared yet bitterly, grabbing his small bag of cheerios as he stood. "I…I think I should go"

Eric stood up quickly, feeling an unexplained swell of panic and anger rise inside him. Butters lifted his eyes tentatively to the tall, Brooding chestnut haired teen; detecting the odd shift in his mood. There was a pause that feels between them, as once more, they stared at each other.

"Fine Leave!" Eric snarled, snatching up his knapsack and slinging it over his shoulder-before he stormed away from the table. Why the hell was he suddenly so agitated? True, lunch with Butters hadn't exactly gone as planned… but Eric didn't know what he'd been expecting. They didn't know each other; asking him to eat at the same table had been a stupid move.

He shouldn't care…

' I don't fucking care…' his mind kicked in.

This whole thing was stupid, and Eric vowed to just ignore it. fuck his dreams… they were just that; dreams. They didn't mean anything; they were circumstantial, they were influenced by even the smallest daily events. In his case: a skinny, cry baby annoying blond.

"He asked you to sit with him at lunch!?" Kenny asked suspiciously.

Butters nodded and trembled as he rubbed his knuckles together. "Y-yeah"

"Soo? How was it?" The dirty blond asked with a smirk; he was currently going over some of his homework as he and Butters sat against their lockers.

The blond blushed, "it w-was…awkward…" He began. "Q-Quiet, but-I-I didn't mind that… it was kind of nice…Fa-familiar" Butters admitted quietly. Kenny's eyes flickered up to butters briefly when he said 'familiar' but he didn't say anything. " B-but things g-got….um" The blond sighed not knowing what to say. " H-he doesn't like Kyle and Stan!"

"I told you." Kenny smirked. "Eric isn't a fan of anyone." Butters large Blue orbs drifted to the ground sadly as Kenny stood up and gathered his things. "Look, you wanna come to the movies tonight?" Kenny asked. " A bunch of us are going to see My bloody valentine"

Slowly, Butters nodded before he looked up to the dirty blond and bit his lower lip. " W-why do you …" He began, looking confused and bothered as he continued, " why… why would he ask to have lunch with me?" while he'd been scared to go through with it, there had been something bubbling in Butter's stomach. Excitement?

"I dunno, Butters" Kenny shrugged" Eric's just can't be loved. Just ignore him. "Nodding to the small blond, he headed off.

Butters sat there, looks to the side as he brow frown. " I want to be loved too…" He whispered to himself sweetly.

Butters waited outside the movie theatre for his friends to arrive. He'd had hard time NOT thinking about Eric; for some reason, the brooding chestnut teen was infecting his thoughts. He would be at work-and suddenly, Eric would pop into his mind. He would be sleeping-and suddenly, Eric would be there.

"Butters?"

The voice made him turned. His eyes grew larger when he realized the voice addressing him was Eric. He trembled while rubbing his knuckles as he blushed. " oh-oh hi…" He greeted quietly.

"….what the fuck are you doing here?" Eric asked in his monotone voice; glancing around the dark main street.

Butters playing with fingers, "Um…well Kenny invited me to the movies." He explained shyly.

Glancing away from Eric, he tried to keep his eyes away from the attractive, tall football player's face. "W-what are you doing here?"

"Had to pick up some weed from Craig" Eric mumbled, glancing down the street, before running his eyes back over the skinny blond. His gaze made Butters feel stripped of every defense he could possibly have; not that he was great when it came to hiding his emotions or fears. But still, there was something about the way ERIC specifically looked at him was odd…

"Hey!" Kyle greeted. Looking beside them, the two estranged lovers saw Kyle, Stan and Kenny approaching them. "What are you doing here, Eric?" He asked

Ignoring the red haired teen, Eric moved his eyes back to Butters. "Just heading home"

"Oh, you're not coming to the movie? " Stan asked curiously.

Kyle and kenny shot him a quick warning glare. Stan hated lying he just wanted this whole thing to be over with.

"Sure" Eric agreed, his eyes still staring at Butters as the group headed inside.

Butters cheeks were as red as can be with his hands in his lap and tried to keep to himself. Eric was coming to see the movie with them now? Why did he keep staring at him? He had to repress a shiver as he felt Eric's arm brushing his own while they walked. Normally, the blond would have moved away …but with Eric… His curiosity was winning out.

After the movie "how can someone j-just kill someone like that?" Butters recalled the whole blood gore movie. "What if-if he kills me in my sleep …" He theorized as he hugged himself trying to calm down.

Kyle sighed" See? I knew it was a mistake to take Butters to see my bloody valentine "He mumbled to Stan and Kenny as they walked. " Let's just get home. I've got a test tomorrow" Kenny complained with a yawn

"Why the fucking hell would you make us see a horror movie when we have a test, dumbass!" Kyle scolded. "You should be studying!" Kenny just shrugged and got into the car with Stan. "Come on. Butters I'll give you a ride" Kyle mumbled.

But he shook his head as he waved away the offer. " N-No ..but thank you ,I'd rather walk" Butters spoke in a shy voice, but while thinking about every scary scene from the movie. " but-but what if something happens"

" oh for fuck sakes, I'll walk you home then" Eric grumbled impatiently. "let's just go already" Gripping Butters sleeve and dragged him down the street.

Kyle furrowed his brow, "uh, I don't think that's a good id-"  
>"Hey." Kenny spoke calmly from inside the car." Just let them go…" He smiled. " If it's meant to be-it's meant to be"<p>

His red-haired companion gave him a skeptical look, before glancing once more at the retreating forms of Butters and Eric as they headed down the street…

Meanwhile, poor Butters hadn't been able to stop blushing since Eric began pulling him down the street. It was just the two of them now, alone-wandering down the dark, semi-empty main street toward the residential area.

"So..." Eric began awkwardly-releasing Butters arm as he stuffed his one hand into his pocket. "Do you always … get this scared after a movie?" He asked, trying to hold back a laugh but looking at Butters oddly. "You know all that shit is fake right?"

Butters glanced up at him sheepishly. "I –I just can't help it ….there just not my type of movies!...they give me bad dreams , but it would be better than the dreams I've been having about-"

He quirked a brow, "Wait…what?" Eric asked as Butter cut himself off

The small hands of the blond flew to his mouth; he let out small squeak for beneath his hands like he'd said too much. The chestnut teen narrowed his eyes. "You…" He started, before stopping again. " I-I mean! What do you mean?" He asked annoyed.

" I-I, um…I-I misspoke?" Butters shouted louder than he had to; his tone desperate. He shouldn't have said anything; what the hell kind of slip was that? Bad dreams were better than having dreams about someone else? The fuck!?

The rest of the of the walk was done in silence; occasionally, Eric would steal glance at Butters, and the blond would do the same.

"Where's your house?" Eric asked with an irritated sigh. He wished he could talk to this kid. He'd spend the past week thinking about him- and then, when he finally got to be alone with the blond… he didn't know what say. He felt anxious, confused, vulnerable and angry all at the same time.

Butters stopped dead in his tracks and looked around them curiously. Eric saw the expression on the small blonds face fall. "….w-we passed it..." He admitted sad-tears instantly beginning to well up in his large eyes like it was the most tragic mishap that could have happened. His family would ground him for a week!

"God sakes …" Eric grumbled, rolling his eyes. "Don't cry. Which way?" He asked uncomfortably. HE didn't do well with crying people in general, but for some reason… the blond of the verge of tears made feel angry, frustrated, and ….kind of over-protective?

The blond meekly pointed down the street, "You don't … have to come. It's fine" He looked away, trembling a bit as he tried to stop himself from shedding any tears.

Instead, Eric shook his head and grabbed Butters hand in his own- leading the small teen back down the street toward his house.

"Come on." He mumbled. He tried to keep the blush from rising in his cheeks-but he wasn't doing a good job. Thank god it was dark outside. Why did he have to take Butters hand? There was no reason for it; why didn't he just let the blond go home. They were close enough, and he could walk by himself. Whatever the answer, Eric knew he didn't want to leave Butters just yet. It was like this unknown, invisible magnet was drawing him to the blond.

Butters, on the other hand, were engaged in his own internal debate. As strange as the whole situation was, he liked the feeling of Eric's larger hand over his small one.

"Um this is it..." the blond pointed out, stopping in front of a particular walkway.

Eric reluctantly stopped as well, and took a moment to study Butters house. He wanted to remember what it looked like, in case there was a next time. " Oh" Hesitantly, he released Butters hand and let it fall back down to his side.

"T-Thanks for-um walking me home…" The blond stammered, as he shifted his eyes back to look into Eric's.

To his surprise, the tall, chestnut haired teen was already staring down at him. For a few minutes, the two were content to just stare at one another; Eric's gaze was firm, piercing and deep…while Butters was wide, curious, and vulnerable.

"Wanna hang out?" Eric found himself asking.

Butters frowned his brow and blushed. "W-well gee, my folks will ground me if I stay out that late…" He admitted, glancing at his watch.

" Not now, dumbass" Eric sighed; rolling his eyes a bit, " Just … later, sometime" wow, that sounded awkward. Eric couldn't believe he was actually ASKING someone to hang out with him and in a nice way. He never asked people; People just ignored him. Why he felt inclined to ask this small blond was beyond his comprehension.

But despite every alarm going off in his system, despite how weird this scenario was, and despite how he was going every natural instinct in his body. Eric wanted to spend more time with Butters.

"U-um… I-I.." Butters stammered as his cheeks continued to get redder and redder

Eric took a step toward him and sighed annoyed. "For fuck sakes just say yes!" He growled uncomfortably.

"Y-Yes." The small blond repeated quickly.

Nodding, the chestnut-haired teen turned and headed down the street-facing his back to him. The further away he got, the more inclined he was to glance back to see if Butters was still there. To his surprise, the blond WAS still standing outside; he was closer to his door now, almost halfway in, but seemed to be watching Eric walk away.

But when he noticed Eric looking back at him, Butters quickly ran inside and out of sight.

Looking back ahead, Eric kept his head down as he walked…

He was able to keep himself composed-to keep himself stoic when he talked to butters. But he wasn't able to stop a small, bare smile from spreading on his lips as the blond's mesmerizing eyes popped back into his mind.

Both Butters and Eric didn't speak much to each other at school, nor did they really see each other, aside from the occasional class together-or passing in the hallway.

But both were certainly thinking about one another.

Butters fascinated Eric; how can someone who get's picked on so much, just go about smiling? Why was he always helping people? And why had he never noticed him before now? While Eric Normally preferred things his own way, Butters was the growing exception. Butters, in a similar fashion, couldn't help but entranced by the chestnut teen. He'd found out more and more about Eric's reputation from several people-and most were rather hateful. They said he was annoying, loudmouth, temperamental and even selfish. But despite all that, Butters still found himself to look past all that and see the good inside of Eric.

While at locker between classes, Butters was alarmed when he shut it-and came face to face with the tall bully. "Oh! Jeez...h-hi can I help you?" He asked.

Eric glared at him "Tonight" He ordered

Butters tilted his head in such way that Eric couldn't help but think was adorable. "To-tonight?" He repeated gently.

"We're hanging out" Eric told him firmly. "My house"

The blond nodded quickly, not bothering to try and hide the blush spreading on his cheeks. " Um alright, E-Eight?" Butters asked shyly.

Butters turned and couldn't help but follow his frame as he walked down the hall; other students moving aside for temperamental teen-careful to avoid getting in his way. The blond admitted Eric's apparent power; his influence… and wished he could be so strong.

With butterflies in his stomach, Butters went to his remaining classes that day-unable to concentrate on much else, except the fact that Eric would be coming over. It was poetically a risky situation. What if they had nothing in common? What if Butters habits and talking, pissed him off, and he beats him up?

The blond shuddered and tried not to let his fear get the best of him. For once, He was going to listen to his heart…

And his heart was pulsing toward this tall chestnut haired strong teen.

When he got home, the blond had a shower and tried to pick out something nice to wear. Butters did have dinner with his parents, but they left shortly after leaving butters home alone. The thin teen was bit nervous about the whole thing but the knowledge he would soon see Eric calmed him.

Standing in front of his mirror, the blond looked himself over. He hated the way he looked; He'd always thought he was ugly…even when he was younger. No one had ever been interested in him.

He'd never even had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. He was alone…

"Why…why am I doing this?" Butters asked himself aloud, already feeling some tears welling up in his eyes. Why would anyone want to be friends with him?  
>And really, what was he thinking going over to a stranger's house? The more he thought about it, the more he realized how risky it was. What if he got beat up? What if this was just some kind of joke? The heart couldn't be trusted…so why was Butters being so foolish about this? That 'love muscle' had steered him wrong before, and the blond had trusted people he shouldn't have. Besides, his heart was also the thing that been acting up lately: aching, like it was missing something.<p>

It was that sinking feeling, like you'd forgotten something important and can't recall what.

Before he knew it he was at Eric's door, the sound of the door opening brought him out of his thoughts, Eric stood looked down at the small blond, who smiled up at him.

" Um Hi-Hi" Butters tried to give a small smile

"Sup" He greeted already seeming annoyed

He stepped aside, and allowed the smaller teen to enter. Butters lightly walked inside, curiously nibbling on his lower lip while looking around the house.

"This is very ni-nice…" Butters rubbed his knuckles together, he watched as Eric slammed the door shut. "S-So um what do you wanna do?" Butters asked nicely as he followed Eric into the living room.

The tall strong chestnut haired teen shrugged and plopped down on the couch, as if he'd already been there a hundred times, and this WASN'T awkward. "Well um wanna watch a movie?" He stammered, when Eric drew his icy colored eyes up to Butters.

I sighed "fine, but I pick the movie!" he ordered.

The smaller teen nodded and picked out a movie for them to watch: Scream 2. Both sat at opposite ends of the couch as it started, though Butters kept getting up to either throw up or make more popcorn. He couldn't help but notice, however, that each time he came back to sit-Eric was a few inches closer to him. This continued each time Butters had to get up and leave …and soon… they were sitting so close that the fabric of Eric's jacket was almost touching the fabric of Butters blue sweater.

The blond found himself growing increasingly shyer, but he did his best to keep his mouth shut. When the part of the film arrived when woman gets stabbed to death. Butters couldn't help but let out a small scream and grabbed hold of Eric's arm.

He heard Eric release a long sigh, a hand wrapped around his body and tugged him close. Before Butters knew it-Eric had his arm around him in an uncharacteristically 'sympathetic' display, and was holding him protectively. "It's just a movie, remember fag?" He reminded him.

"I-I know" Butters looked away from the screen. "But-but I can't help it… how-how could anyone just kill someone they love…" He asked in a cute, meek voice.

Eric shifted his eyes down the blond he was snuggled up to his chest. "If I had to protect other people and myself… then yes." He answered honestly.

This felt nice; it was oddly comfortable, despite Eric's initial fear that he might be crossing the line into more 'dangerous' territory. But despite butters nature... Eric could honestly say: There was something soothing about consoling this blond when he got upset.

When the movie was finished, both Eric and Butters had slipped in to a more conversation: general knowledge about each other which included their best and worst classes, favorite, movies, etc. In fact, they seemed to be having such an easy time talking to one another, that they barely moved from their previous position- Eric's arm was still cradling Butters close and the blond seemed content just resting on Eric's chest. He worried briefly that his endless talking would annoy Eric, but unlike everyone else, Eric didn't seem to mind; every time he talked, Butters would feel the chestnut haired teen thumb gently rubbing his shoulder, like he was absentmindedly trying to soothe him.

For the first time in weeks, both teens were content; that feeling of emptiness, or the idea that something was missing briefly vanished. In fact, as the warmth and serenity of the moment flowed through Eric body and heart… he suddenly felt uncomfortable. Why the fuck was he so relaxed around Butters? They didn't know each other that well, and yet; he'd just spend the last hour chatting with him about what he liked, and what he didn't like.

It took YEARS for people to find that stuff out about Eric Cartman. He never allowed anyone to get too close too fast. But for whatever reason… this blond brought something out in him. And Eric's natural defense told him he shouldn't be so open…

So, around eleven o'clock at night, Butters smiles and sighed " I-It's getting late, I should probably go…" He mumbled regretfully, sitting up and away from Eric. "W-we have school tomorrow" Frankly, he felt scared. He wanted to leave before something bad happened but he stopped and looked at Eric before opening the door.

"I um would like you to c-call me, please" Butters admitted, giving Eric a small smile "…would you d-do that?" He asked with a tone of hopefulness leaking into his meek voice.

Somewhat impressed by the blond's sudden, bravado at outwardly asking him to call, Eric nodded- and handed his phone over to Butters. As he began to put his number into the tall football player's phone. Eric couldn't help but dance his eyes bemusedly over the blond's face. He recalled the dream he'd had where he and Butters had been beneath the blankets… and couldn't help but notice the blond looked just as angelic and sweet now as he had in his dream.

Why did he feel so fucking vulnerable around this kid?

When he was finished, Butters handed the phone back to Eric, and he stuffed it into the pocket of his jacket.

"I…I really would like that…thank you" Butters repeated again; he really didn't want Eric to think he was just being polite.

Slipping out of Eric's front door, the two exchanged a lingering look, before Butters headed down his walkway and started off down the street. It had started to rain; the small drops fell and landing on the small blond's hair as he headed home… alone with nothing but his thoughts of Eric.

Back with Eric, He too was lost in thought, He was plagued by what he had just experienced with the cute blond so much…that he went to bed earlier than usual. He was practically bounding up the stairs and into his room. Shutting the door, Eric flipped opened his phone like a man possessed. He didn't know WHAT had gotten into him…

All he knew was that something inside him was twisting in pain. He wanted so badly to play it cool.. But he just couldn't help it. Clicking the button, he held it to his ear; holding his breath slightly as he listened to it rings….

A voice came from the other line" Oh boy, that-that was fast"

Eric could only smirk at the sound of Eric's voice.

"Do-do you miss me…" He asked cutely.

Eric relaxed back on his bed and he started at the ceiling. "Oddly enough, I do…" He admitted in his monotone voice with a small smile.

"y-you said 'I do'…" Butters pointed out on the other end. "do-does that make us married?" he awkwardly tried to joke

Again, the tall football play was unable to keep the small smile off his lips as he chuckled. "I guess so"  
>For the first time in weeks… Eric felt the tiniest bit…happy…<p> 


	6. Ch 6 When the rain stops

On his way to school the next day, Eric surprisingly content. Maybe even tiniest bit…happy? Why, he wasn't exactly sure. But after his evening with Butters, and their rather lengthy phone conversation afterward-Eric felt a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

It wasn't raining as much as has been lately, but the best feeling he'd experienced in days quickly turned into the worst when he arrived at school to see Bradley talking to Butters. He was resting his arm against the lockers above Butters head; his body language was leaning into him suggestively.

A pang of jealousy immediately shot through Eric's body.

Just as he was about to storm over there, he stopped himself; 'Butters isn't yours..." He reminded himself with a deep breath. 'Not yet' his mind finished.

What the hell? They'd had a good time the other night, hadn't they? Fuck, they'd even talked on the phone for a few hours afterward. Eric watched Bradley talk to Butters for a few more minutes. Before the curly dark blond finally took his leave-and Eric made his way over" Hey" he greeted flatly.

"Huh?" Butters turned, immediately blushing as his eyes connected with Eric's. "Oh h-hi Eric!" He said bashfully.

While seeing Butters react to him in that way made Eric strangely happy-he still couldn't get Bradley out of his mind. "Why were you talking to that asshole? "He asked sharply, though he was really trying to keep his temper in check.

"O-Oh you mean Bradley? Oh well um…" Butters stammered cutely, drawing his eyes down. "H-He asked if-if I would go-go to the movies with him to-tonight." He admitted sadly, finally drawing his back toward Eric.

The chestnut teen tensed; in fact his hands started to ache be he was unconsciously clenching his fists. "Oh…whatever…" He muttered darkly.

"U-Uh…" the blond began trying to explain. " I-It doesn't mean anything. I-I just said yes b-because it would be r-rude to say NO, and h-he might-"  
>But Eric cut him off, " If it doesn't mean anything then you should have said no." He grumbled, walking away from Butters. There seemed to be a dark aura hanging around his head as he disappeared, and Butters certainly noticed it. He felt bad. He had really felt a connection with Eric the other night-but Bradley had caught him off guard this morning with that question.<p>

He didn't know what to say, or answer it. No one EVER asked him out.

So he'd said 'yes' just to be nice. But for some reason now… he felt horrible-like he was betraying Eric in some way. And Eric being MAD just made that feeling all the more justified. Realistically through, there was no reason he should feel bad. He and Eric weren't dating. They'd had such a good night… and such a good talk on the phone; Butters didn't want to ruin that, and he didn't want to push anything. There was no guarantee that Eric felt the same spark he did.

Lowering his large eyes to the floor, there was a dull pain in his chest. Butters wasn't quite sure what it was, but he knew it had something to do with the look on Eric's face as he'd left…

Eric had a hard time getting through the rest of the day. He avoided Butters for the most part, only because a part of him couldn't stand to look at him… knowing he'd be with Bradley later tonight. It was so aggravating, and he'd never felt more unsettled about anything. Why? WHY the fucking hell did he suddenly feel so entitled, so over-protective, of this small blond teen? A person that he'd only known for about a week…tops! What the hell was wrong with him, and why couldn't he let it go? They weren't dating, and he couldn't control what Butters did.

More than a few times, he caught himself staring at the blond from a distance. He would immediately look away when Butters met his gaze, and his face would heat up a bit. He cursed himself for being so pathetic.

"he's not mine. I don't fucking care … I don't care… I don't" Eric repeated to himself.

By eleven o' clock that night, Eric was an absolute wreck. He tried so hard to keep his mind from thinking about butters… but no matter what he did, and no matter how hard he tried to distract himself- he kept picturing Butters in a movie theatre with Bradley….

The very thought made him sick, the image of Butters and Bradley kiss-

"FUCK!" Eric yelled, coming out of his little jealous daydream as he threw his glass into the sink. It broke, of course but he found it hard to care.

Running a hand back through his soft dark chestnut hair, he stormed up to his bedroom and grabbed his cell phone. Dialing butter's number. (Ignoring his mom's talking as she notice the broken glass)

"Um hey Eric!" The familiar voice of Butters answered on the other end.

"Hey..." He greeted, clearing his throat. "How did you know it was me?" 

"Um….your caller ID? " Butters responded, like it was the obvious answer….but he didn't want Eric to feel stupid.

"Right, I-I knew that" Eric muttered awkwardly. He felt kind of stupid, but that was beside the point. "Can I come over?" He asked intensely.

Butters stammed a bit "But it's …kind of late." The blond reminded him. "It's a-almost eleven o'clock and-and it's a school's night! I'll get grounded!"

"Oh for fuck sakes! Yes or no!" Eric growled impatiently, holding his breath and praying that his attitude wouldn't give him a negative response.

The chestnut haired teen heard a small noise on the other end. " Y-Yes"

"I'll be over in a few minutes." Eric said assuredly, hanging up the phone as he grabbed his red coat and his old black and red cap. Heading back down the stairs and right into the crisp evening air, Eric slipped into his truck. He had to calm his nerves. He wasn't exactly sure why he felt so nervous…. But for some reason, seeing butters right now was important.

He reached Butters house about ten minutes later, and knocked on the door. He breathed a long sigh of relief when the small famed blond answered-already blushing. Eric gave him a small smile. " Hey"

"H-Heya Eric..." Butters greeted, stepping aside and letting the tall football player.

As the door closed behind him, Eric took a quick look around the house again. It was quiet. "Your parents here?" He asked.

" oh um..no-no, there out on vacation.." He explained looking down.

Eric walked in and sat on the couch, starting to feel tense again. Why didn't Butters tell him that in the first place? He could have kept him company while his parents were gone. For some reason, the thought of the blond staying home alone didn't sit right with Eric.

"How was your date…." He asked, tight lipped and bitter.

Butters frowned and sheepishly joined him in the living room. " I-It was ok…" He shrugged. " we just saw a m-movie"

" D-Did he kiss you!?" Eric asked without even thinking; he couldn't even stop the words from pouring out of his mouth as he drew his brown like eyes back to the blue eyed blond.

While he appeared shy, Butters soft lips remained in a frown and gave Eric the best glare he could do. "W-why does it matter? And what's your problem?" He asked defensively while crossing his arms.

"I don't want you to go out with that fucker." Eric admitted in a dark tone-standing up from where he sat on the couch, meeting Butters gaze.

Butters stared up at the taller teen in complete confusion." …W-What?" He asked nervously, trembling as he tore his eyes away Eric's, " B-But why?...I-I don't even know you!?"

" I know" Eric muttered, a small blush tinting his cheeks as he stood in front of the small blond. He averted his eyes down to the ground briefly, before slowly lifting them back to trail over Butters face and features. "Butters…don't you feel it?" He asked quietly.

Butters large, deep light blue orbs turned back to look at the tall chestnut haired teen-his eyes already shimmering with tears. "Feel …what?" He asked slowly and tentatively.

"It" He vaguely continued. Keeping his eyes focused on Butters, he stared at him in hopes getting some answer. " Have you had any….dreams about me, Butters?"  
>His, blue eyes widened, and filled up with more tears " I….I …W-Who told you that?" He choked out nervously. "I-I wasn't ….I mean… I didn't" He stammered incoherently.<p>

"I want to try something, Butters" Eric interrupted him, grasping the side of the blond's face in his hands. "I need to try something." He corrected quietly.

Butters mouth gasped open, obviously a bit stunned at being held by Eric so closely. But before he could utter a word, or bring himself to question Eric's behavior…. The chestnut haired teen closed the distance between them, and kissed butters. The small blond mewled into Eric's mouth, and tensed a bit, but Eric drew him closer and deepened the kiss…

Finally, Butters melted into it, and slowly began to kiss him back…

It just felt so safe and right; they fit so well together that Eric could hardly believe this was all real. He couldn't help but groan a bit himself when Butters arms came up and wrapped around his neck; clutching to him tightly. When their lips finally parted, both boys took a few moments to try and catch their breath. Butters eyes were still shimmering but he looked a bit more claimed; Eric actually found himself getting lost in their depths once more.

"I don't want you to date anyone." Eric repeated gently in a low tone. It wasn't so much a threat, as it was a plea.

Butters bit his lower lip, "E-Eric…" He spoke softly, resting his head on Eric's chest as he hugged him. " I-I won't date anyone…I promise" He agreed. Letting out a sigh of relief, Eric felt his tension melting away with that simple promise from Butters. Lifting his hand, the chestnut teen threaded it into the back of Butters head, gently caressing the soft silk blond hair with his fingers as he held him.

"Can I stay over?" Eric asked.

Butters snuggled closer into Eric's warm chest while sighing, Butters reply was slightly muffled into his chest " O-Ok.."

While Eric wasn't really one for touching others, for some reason, holding and caressing Butters felt kind of natural. Like it was second nature … instinctual and familiar.

Meanwhile

"I shouldn't really be doing this, man, It's totally against the rules." Danny complained, glancing around nervously as he sat in the 24-hour diner with his 'benefactor'.

Kenny shot him a glare as he rummaged through the flies and objects that Danny had just brought him. "is this everything?" he asked

" Y-Yeah." Danny mumbled, taking a drunk of his coffee. " that's everything they dropped off: Pictures, cds, trinkets, whatever even their statements and tapes are in there too"

The dirty blond teen smirked " Perfect"

" Why the hell do you care about them, anyway?"Danny asked; stuffing the money Damien had given him into his coat pocket.

His narrowed his eyes, "They're starting to get close again… I am merely providing a service," He said in a calm tone. " I am trying to remind them WHY they got with each other in the first …."

Danny thought about it. "Well … I'm kinda curious to see what happens."

Kenny nodded, "I'll send you a postcard." Shuffling through the rest of the information, he stacked it all together. " If I'm right … these two will be all over each other by end of the day"

The next day

Butters woke up the next morning in his bed; it was about 6am, and there was a heavy, warm weight almost covering him. He was on his stomach, and Eric was lying right up against him, his chest half on top of Butters back, and his arms around him. Butters kind of felt like a pillow substitute. But a smile grew on his face. He liked this; he enjoyed the weight against and on him.

"E-Eric?" He mewled gently, trying to turn over. But it was hard with Eric's weight on his back.

The larger teen mumbled a tired response, tighten his arms around Butters as he nestled his nose and lips into the back of his nose and lips into the back of his neck and soft blond hair. This made Butters stifle a small giggle. "It's too early." Eric groaned.

"Eric we-we have to get up sooner or later" Butters reminded him cutely.

There was a small pause that lingered in the air, before Eric reluctantly lifted himself up and off Butters. The blond sighed in relief, but kind of missed the heavy warmth over him. Sliding out of bed, Butters adjusted his slightly wrinkled clothing, and toss on a new blue hoodie.

He and Eric had made-out extensively last night, amidst talking and sometimes just lying side by side in content silence. Butters was unsure of whether or not they were 'dating' now. Eric had made it clear he didn't want Butters dating anyone else-so the blond wondered if that meant he was Eric's. The idea of begin Eric's boyfriend made small butterflies flutter in his stomach.

"Alright I'll drive" Eric yawned, sliding on his red jacket and zipping it up. Butters smiled warmly and nodded as he headed for his bedroom door-but squeaked when he felt strong arms wrap around his arms and body, tapping them down at his sides as he was pulled back against Eric's body. He blushed profusely as Eric's towered over him. "Thanks for letting me stay here last night" He muttered into the blond's ear.

Butters shuddered and nodded. Eric slowly released him, and the continued on downstairs. But when they reached the bottom, something caught the small blond teen's eye: The mail

"I'll meet you at the car" Eric nodded, heading outside as he pulled on his cap on.

Butters nodded. Picking up the various white envelops from the floor, he gently set them on the table for his parents to look at when they returned. It was only when he started to put on his boots that he noticed something else.

A package. It was in manila envelope; though while not overly large, it clearly contained a number of objects within. Curiously, Butters took it in his hands and pulled it the rest of the way through the mail slot. Turning it over, he exclaimed, "WH-what?"

It was addressed to ….him?

Butters debated opening it. But he hears the truck horn and instead he pulled on his rain coat, and stumbled out the door into the foggy rain with the package in his hand. It would be safer to open it with Eric, right? That way if anything happened, Eric would keep him safe. At least he hoped so. Slipping into the car, Butters shivered at the bitter cold rain. Eric had the Truck on, but it hadn't quite heated up yet.

"You ok?" Eric asked, shifting his dark brown eyes down to the package in Butters hands.

The blond nodded quickly, " y-yeah, let's just go and get breakfast" He blushed, looking at the package closely again.

Eric backed the car out of the driveway and began to head down the early morning street.

"…..what the fuck is that?" Eric asked, quirking a dull brow.

Butters shrugged, "I-I don't know" He whimpered curiously, turning the tape over in his hands.

Furrowing his brow, Eric took the tape from Butters and stuck it into his car tape player. While he did that and adjusted the volume, Butters looked at the papers that accompanied the envelope in confusion. Shuffling through them, a number of pictures caught his eye. Picking one up, Butters saw it was a photo of him …. And ….

Eric?

'The following is a taped consultation with patient #30299, Butters Leopnd Scotch' a female professional sounding voice said. 'Please state your name, and reasoning for this procedure'

Butters and Eric's eyes shifted to the tape player.

'Um … m-my name is Butters Scotch ...and I'm here to erase E-Eric Cartman' The familiar spastic teen's voice came.

Both teen's mouths dropped open in shock.

' H-He's mean. All he does is m-make me feel like a little butthole!' He exclaimed while sniffing on the tape. 'W-We just broke up-and…and…I don't want to remember anymore! I-I can't keep crying all the time!' The butters on tape whimpered. 'E-Eric is a cold lying bully, and doesn't care about …. Anyone! But himself! H-He been lying to me my whole life, and he cheats on me ….T-The whole ANGRY a-act gets old after a long time! H-He thinks only about himself…He thinks-thinks he's so cool … but I don't think so anymore….I-I see him for what he really is!'

Eric's eyes narrowed angrily, "what …the fucking hell is this?" He snapped uncomfortably, looking back and forth between Butters and the road.

" I-I don't know! " Butters stammered looking scared, while holding up his hands trying to calm down the angry Eric.

The tape continued in the background, 'E-Eric is selfish, and moody... And... Just in-inconsiderate! He-He has a short temper, and treats me like trash! I've become so dependent on him a-and… I think he wants me that way! It makes h-him feel good! B-but what about me! He doesn't care!' The blond ranted on the tape. ' Eric-Eric doesn't know what he wants… and … He makes y-you suffer for it…E-Everything was always …my fault! I just don't love him anymore…'

Slamming on the breaks, the car jerked to a sudden stop. Ejecting the tape, Eric angrily shoved it back into Butters hands. "Get out" He growled.

"E-Eric I swear…I don't even remember any of those mean things" Butters head began to spin as his eyes began to well up with tears. "I-I'm telling the truth "

Reaching across him, Eric opened Butters door for him. "Get out" He snarled impatiently …

"b-But Eric…" Butters pleaded but Eric gave the worst death glare of his life, Undoing his seatbelt quickly, Butters stumbled out of the car with his package and the cassette tape in hand. As soon as he was back on the sidewalk, Eric peeled the Truck away from the curb and sped off down the street.

Butters felt awful; his heart was throbbing in pain as he stood there crying. What the hell was going on? How come he had a tape of himself-saying such mean things about Eric? He just MET the guy! This didn't make ANY sense!

Clutching the package to him, Butters ran home. He ran so fast that his legs began to ache and sting with the pain of the sudden excursion. Bursting though his front door, he instantly went to the mail, and shuffled through the rest of it. There was another package he'd missed…it was also addressed to him. Dropping both packages, Butters ripped the other open, and began to desperately search through them.

He spilled their contents onto the floor, began to rout through the items. There were photos, trinkets, letters, small toys and notes, and even a few items of clothing that he didn't recognize. Butters continued to cry; each of these items seemed to be related to Butters. But he didn't understand! How was this possible? He didn't even REMEMBER the boy!

Pushing aside a few items, Butters noticed a cover letter-peeking out, with a brand on the top with the symbol of Leo, the name of the company was a blur.

Fishing it out, the twitching blond began to read it. The letter was basically addressed him; it gave a brief explanation of what the unknown company did, and how they erased selected memories from people. There was a contract attached to it-sighed by a doctor, and then by Butters. Himself.

" I-I don't…what is all this!"He cried. It was indeed his signature, though.

Was this some kind of trick from the fella's?

Looking closely at the cassette tape again, Butters popped it into the living room sound system, and continued to listen. He hated that that he'd said such mean things about Eric.

But what was even worse was that Butters was worried that it that it just might be true. The way he spoke on the tape…he sounded so distraught. So heartbroken. The more he listened, Butters deducted that he and Eric HAD actually been going out. He found journal pages, written by himself, that detailed more events of their relationship-happier times as well as the troubled ones. There were also a number of pictures of the two of them; in each, Butters always looked a bit shy and was obviously blushing-while Eric had a content smirk on his lips as he held him close. And in a few, rare photos… Butters was smiling happily.

He couldn't remember the last time he smiled for a picture.

Yet here was the proof. The small blond had continued to cry as he looked over these memories- these mementos and personal items. He'd really done it. He had erased someone he'd loved; he'd chosen to forget the only relationship he'd ever had. Why? Well, as he continued reading (and listening to his own tape testimony) that Eric had flirted and cheated on him with someone else, and they'd broken up.

But that was then.

Now, Butters was worried. He'd felt something with Eric; there was deeper connection there. But Eric had just heard Butters bitching about him on tape; that couldn't be good. Wringing his hand together sadly, the blond finally stood up and cleared up the floor of papers and photos. Grabbing a letter that he'd gotten from Eric (apparently) he folded it up and decided to take it with him.

Placing the rest of memorabilia out of the way, Butters stopped the cassette tape and shoved it into his pocket as well.

Heading outside into the chilly foggy rain morning again, Butters quickly looked at the address and headed to the general neighborhood where Eric's house was. He had no idea if the chestnut teen would be there; he'd seemed pretty mad in the truck. But where else would he GO at this time of the morning?

It took him almost twenty-minutes to find Eric's neighborhood, and finally his home. Butters stood outside the door for a few minutes, suddenly getting cold feet. What if Eric didn't believe him? What if he was still pissed off?

Trying to gather up what courage he could, butters tentatively knocked on the door. After a few minutes, a woman answered the door. She had brown hair. For a moment, the blond froze in terror. Did he have the wrong house? Oh no.

"oh , hello butters! Long time no see!" she greeted happily.

His blue eyes stared at her curiously. "Um…hi?" He questioned.

"Eric's upstairs." He muttered. The woman was definitely a relation to Eric; she seemed very different from Eric. "Be careful though. He seemed kind of upset as he tore up the stairway."

Butters stepped in and gently shut the door behind him. " O-oh?" The blond looked up at her. "U-upset about what?"

" I really don't know" The woman shrugged butters took a guess that it was Eric's mother, moving back into their kitchen. "He had some kind of package in his hand" Butters assumed she'd just gotten up like they had.

Butters nodded. "Um th-thanks ? " He sheepishly muttered, before he began to head upstairs as slowly and quietly as possible.

He wasn't really sure where he was going, but the door at the end of the hall was shut. Finally, there was an empty bathroom, and one more door. It was not completely shit; it was open a crack and there was a small amount of light coming from it.

Shifting toward it, Butters listened curiously as he heard a voice coming from inside. Standing right at the door, he took a deep breath, and pushed it open.

He saw things scattered around the room haphazardly. It looked so messy, but immediately, Butters saw a ripped package…one that looked exactly his own. Furrowing his brow cutely, the noticed photos, notes and letters even a small locket of the two of them as kids thrown around; some even looked like duplicates of the photos Butters himself had gotten. Finally stepping fully into the room, He noticed Eric.

The chestnut teen was sitting on the floor; photos and memorabilia scattered around him; he was holding some papers in his left hand-quickly running his bloodshot eyes over them like he couldn't believe what he reading while holding a brown furred bear that looks like the head was fixed back on.

He looked like he'd been crying. But Eric wasn't talking...

Butters then realized the voice was, in fact, Eric's…but it was coming from a cassette player. He must have gotten a tape too.

"H-Hey…" The blond greeted sheepishly.

Eric snapped his head up-his face falling even more when he realized it was Butters. "Hey" He greeted. "Look what I got…." The chestnut teen mumbled, motioning around his room.

Butters nodded, fidgeting with the bottom of his ill-buttoned shirt.

'Butters is completely helpless.' He heard Eric's voice on tape ranting angrily. 'He's so dependent on me; I mean, fuck, I have to do EVERYTHING for him. He's always going on about something...god it's draining just being around' the voice continued. 'It's a twenty-four hour job. I don't even feel like his boyfriend. I'm like his keeper. He's needy, a crybaby, and he's a complete waste of time! Besides, HE erased ME first! I had every right to do this!'

The blond lowered his eyes shamefully. Eric noticed, and felt a well of guilt engulf his heart. "Look butters…I'm just … I'm just so fucking sorry "He sighed, standing up and smoothing out his clothing. Butters could tell he was trying to compose himself and look strong and hold back his tears. "I shouldn't have kicked you out of the car. I was just … kind of shocked."

"It's o-ok…I-I understand" Butters nodded.

But the still-playing tape interrupted them,' I mean, so what I flirted with someone? Going out doesn't mean we're fucking married. Red isn't anyone serious, Butters just needs to chill. I swear, he gets jealous more than anyone else I know! I can't do anything without him freaking out-thinking that I'm cheating on him, or that I'm working for the damn government!"

"Eric cleared his throat, shaking his head. "Let me turn this off." He offered, heading over to the player.

But Butters took a shy step forward, "N-No um it's only f-fair. You had to listen to mine-mine" He admitted sadly, rubbing his knuckles together as he bit the flesh of his lower lip.

' I sunk almost six years into that relationship' the taped voice of Eric lamented, 'and what do I fucking get for it? Not even THANK YOU but -random phone calls about how alone he is , fucking weak! –and the occasional injury when starts flailing and I have to calm him down' He growled 'why did I have to pick him? I'm normal enough; I should be with a normal person... Not some weak cry baby'

Eric's brown eyes sadly ran over Butters. He looked heartbroken again. "Oh dear…" Butters spoke up finally, trying to blink back the tears in his eyes. "I'm …just gonna go…"

But when he looked back, Butters was already out the door. Heading out after him, Eric jobbed down the stairs as he saw the blond heading back outside into the cool rain morning. "Butters, wait"

"T-This isn't going to work." Butters choked out, rubbing his eyes. "I-I need to go"

A hand clasped around his arm, and prevented Butters from getting any further than the walkway. The neighborhood was still silent around them, because it was still rather early. But Eric liked that better; he didn't need neighbors or friends witnessing this.

"Please …just wait" He spoke gravely

Butters turned and looked up to the tall teen with a sad gaze. "W-why? Wait for what?"

"I dunno, I just …" He sighed, already exasperated. "I just want you to wait, for a little while…" Eric was aware he wasn't making any sense. But this was all surreal.

Is this why he felt a connection to Butters: Because They'd dated already? It had ended badly, and apparently, it was bad enough that BOTH of them erased the other. But now that he was here, Eric felt something lingering in his heart. They had just spent a great night together, and he didn't want to give that up.

The blond's hair was already wet from the rain he sighed- drawing Eric's attention back to him. " l-look, we know this isn't going to work," He winced; his large , Blue eyes were still welled up with tears. It was killing Eric to see him look so sad.

"That doesn't mean we can't try." Eric argued, taking a step closer to Butters. "I can't see anything about you that I don't like." The chestnut haired teen continued in a firm tone.

There was a heavy silence that fell between them. When Butters drew his eyes back up Eric's brown ones- He saw Eric staring at him with a warm, albeit sad, expression.

Reaching forward, Eric wrapped his long arms around Butters smaller frame and pulled him closer.

"Ok" He muttered deeply, lifting a hand to brush some stray tears from Butters soft cheek.

Butters blinked and stared as the tall teen in shock. "O-ok?" He repeated.

"Ok." Eric stated again. Leaning down, he pressed his lips against Butter's in a deep, desperate kiss. The blond moaned into his mouth; his small hands clutching the front of Eric's jacket. His large arms were completely wrapped around him-trapping Butters right against his chest. It almost felt like Eric would never let go.

When they finally parted, their faces didn't move too far apart. Eric's nose nuzzled Butters; the blond's eyes were now hazy and slightly confused… but also content.

"Butters, I want to try again" He admitted quietly. "I hate admitting I'm wrong but... From what I've read, and from what I've heard... I was" He muttered. "I don't want to give up on it. Not yet"

The blond nestled his head closer beneath Eric's chin. He felt so comfortable and safe in his arms, and he knew why. He trusted Eric; He was familiar. "B-But…aren't you worried we'll just … b-break up again?"

"We won't" He answered confidently.

Butters looked up at him finally, " B-But…"

"Butters." Eric soothed, Lifting a hand and stroking it back through his wet blond hair. " will you give me another chance? I've ….been feeling weird for the past week. And I only started to feel better when we started talking; when we started hanging out together." He purred, resting his forehead against the smaller teen. "I don't want to lose you, to give you up yet..I...Want to try"

Blue sea orbs met dark fire-brown and they stared at one another for a few minutes.

"I beg of you….please" Eric whispered.

Hearing the attractive, brooding teen say 'please' made something flutter in Butters heart. While they had ample evidence that they might NOT be perfect for one another… Butters believed him. He believed in Eric , he was serious and Wanted to be with him . That was rare; Butters fingered no one would ever want to be with him. But here was this strong, handsome boy who was begging for another chance.

Standing on up on his toes, Butters placed his soft lips against Eric's rough one's. " Ok" He whimpered, Before repeating. "Ok"

A small smile grew on Eric lips; to the blond, it almost looked like he was trying to contain his relief and happiness. Butters found a similar, shy smile crossing his lips.

That's when something clicked, it was like a memory, flashed though their minds.

Everything came back …

Even the day Butters gave Clyde JR to Eric…

Breaking the kiss again, both boys caught their breath and stared at one another.

"Are you sure …" Butters began hesitantly.

But Eric cut him off. "I'm sure" He whispered" I'm so sure"  
>"Me t-too" The blond agreed sweetly, Hugging Eric tightly as he rested his head on his chest. He could hear Eric's heart thumping quickly as his ear pressed against his chest<p>

Butters smiled.

Neither one would forget this moment…

Then the rain stopped ….


End file.
